In Memory of Kay

The Hour of Lead. The Hour of Light.


 

“This is the Hour of Lead-
Remembered, if outlived,
As freezing persons,
recollect the Snow-
First-Chill-then Stupor-
then the letting go—“—Emily Dickenson
                        ~~~

–It’s been 450   451  452 days since your execution.

I’m sorry, my dear sister–

but I’m still finding it difficult to go on, to get up, to breathe.

I inhale:::::::I exhale. 

To recognize I’m still here without you.   

My body is lead.  My mind is heavy with yearning.

Often I’m entirely alone.

Like a sparrow lost on the roof.

Like a bird alone in the desert.

Sometimes I disappear until I am nothing.

I write the same things over and over.

I tell the same stories over and over.

Until I am empty.

Until the darkness is gone.

But today…

Today-  there was a slight glimmer of light.

The light  that you still offer abundantly Even in death….Even from the grave. 

Melissa wrote from the Mayo Clinic.  

She says  she thinks of you  every.  single.   day. 

Prays for you   every. single.  day.

She says the doctor told her she’s doing terrific.

She wants us to know she’s taking good care of the liver you gave her. 

She says you have given her the Gift of Life!

Your love carries on, my sweet  sister,  Kay.

Your love burns.

Your love sets others on fire.

   Always.    Forever. 

(My sister, Kay’s, liver, lungs, spleen, & kidneys were donated to other people.  Melissa is the only one that has written to us thus far. )

 Kay was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010.   Her Love Lives On…& on & on

  Love.   Always. Forever.

Click Here Now To Learn More About Organ Donation

 

Read More About Kay Here:   In Memory of Kay 

click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Click Here to Donate to ( DAIP) Domestic Abuse Intervention Prevention in Duluth: Click here to donate.

pink lips  

 


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79 Comments

  • Reply
    Liz
    August 22, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Kay lives on in so many ways Kim. I hope you receive more and more glimmers of light.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:40 am

      —Liz,
      yes, i must grasp onto those small glimmers. xx

  • Reply
    Totsymae
    August 22, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Hmmm…

    Kay really knew how to work the camera; she just blossomed with time.
    You have a great family, giving Kay’s organs to save another life. To have
    that kind of bond is priceless.

    You’re stronger than you know, although it may not always feel that way.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:41 am

      -Tots,
      Kay will always be alive.
      She would have loved the idea that
      others are LIVING because she gave them a small peice of her. xxx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    August 22, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Organ donation is such a wonderful thing. To be able to help someone else through one’s own grief surely must help in some way too. Thank you for spreading the word Kim xxx

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:43 am

      Dear L.
      I agree. I do love the idea that my dear Kay still lives on in others.
      She could not give her heart….but that would have been AMAZING… xx

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    August 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    She has given the most valuable gift of all, that of life and love. Her spirit lives on, Kim. In the people she saved, and in your words.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:44 am

      Dear Mama,
      Always lives on …. In others & thru my voice. xxxx

  • Reply
    Ann
    August 22, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    Oh, Kim…I’m so glad you had a glimmer of light today. Kay was quite a woman and gave an amazing gift. How wonderful for Melissa to write you. I’m thinking of you…

    I also agree with Alison – she does live on in your heart and your words.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:45 am

      Hi, Ann,
      yes, what an amazing gift. My entire family was quite pleased to read that letter.
      Thanks for you kind words. xxx

  • Reply
    Lola
    August 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    I find myself struggling with saying the right thing. I am at a loss for words. You, however are not. Your words are beautiful, touching and inspirational. I am glad you have found a glimmer of light in the darkness.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Dear Lola,
      Sometimes I see that glimmer. Sometimes.
      As I walk thru the darkness, the light sometimes creeps up unexpectedly thru the cracks.
      Love when you stop over. xx

  • Reply
    LBDDiaries
    August 22, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    This was perhaps one of the most touching posts you’ve done about Kay – while sad, it is also so uplifting and shines a spotlight on life – someone was given the gift of life. This is the epitome of Kay. One definition of epitome is: an instance that represents a larger reality. When you said, “Your love carries on, my sweet sister, Kay” – this the epitome of Kay – an instance (a woman’s life through a donated liver) that represents a larger reality (Kay was, is, and always will be, love).

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:49 am

      Dear LB.
      you have been with me thru so much of this darkness….haven’t you?
      — & You have been a glimmer of light, as well. Thank you. xxx Kiss

  • Reply
    The Bipolar Diva
    August 22, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Kim, how encouraging that has to be. finding the good in tragedy is a glimmer of hope, it’s hard to find sometimes, but it’s there. I think of you often.

    Diva

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:50 am

      Diva,
      soooooooooo hard to find good in tragedy, but I guess this counts. I’ve been waiting for a long time….
      Thanks for you kind words. 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Grumpy Grateful Mon
    August 22, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    My heart just breaks for you, but what a beautiful gift your sister gave to so many. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:53 am

      Dear, Grumpy,
      I miss my sister sooooooooo much. Tis the reason I started this blog.
      xx Kiss from MN.

  • Reply
    Helen
    August 22, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Those people are not just so very fortunate to have received the gift of life from Kay…..they are the luckiest people in the world to have part of her beautiful beling and spirit within them. Bless you all……….

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:55 am

      –Hi, Helen,
      i always love when you stop over.
      YES, Kay is still giving as she did in life. Always. Forever.
      xxxx Hope you are well, dear.

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury, Your Fan
    August 22, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    That’s very beautiful. God bless you, dear Kim, and your sister, Kay. What a generous act and a wonderful way to live on. My mother left us last year on Feb 8 and insisted we donated her body to a medical college. We tried arguing with her about opting for organ donation, but she was quite adamant about being donated to the medical college. And that’s what we did. I dream about her very often because I consider her my best friend. She was only 65 and the most vibrant person I know. I somehow end up with tears in my eyes when I think of her, and I guess I will always do that, because even if Time heals, it only helps us carry on. It doesn’t take away the pain completely.

    Hugs, Kim. Thinking about the good things matters so much.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:58 am

      Dear, Vidya,

      Your mom was only 65? I am so sorry… & she was your best friend as Kay was with me. How difficult and horrible & unbearable it is to lose your best friend.

      For me, the complete healing will happen after my death. I will NEVER be who I was without my Kay.

      I love when you come to see me, Vidya.

      PS. do you have another best friend now?

  • Reply
    Pure Complex
    August 22, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Day by Day you will find it easier to breath and her memory will never be forgotten.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:59 am

      –Dear, Pure,
      I do hope so.
      but…The longing & missing lasts forever. xx

  • Reply
    Jessica
    August 22, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    That was so nice of Melissa to write to you and to share that she thinks of your sister and that she is taking care of her liver. What a wonderful person.

    Hugs to you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:01 am

      —Jessica,
      our family was quite pleased to recieve that letter.
      Kay is, too. xxx

  • Reply
    Bridget
    August 22, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    This is lovely. I’m deeply sorry for your loss.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:02 am

      —Dear, Bridget,
      thank you. I am sorry for our loss, as well. x

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    August 23, 2011 at 12:48 am

    How wonderful and very special that so many of Kay’s organs were donated. Kay IS living on! So awesome!!!
    Sending a big hug to you today.
    🙂 Mandy xo

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:04 am

      –Dear, Mandy,
      She will ALWAYS live on…….
      hugging you back. xx

  • Reply
    Barbara
    August 23, 2011 at 1:47 am

    It sounds like your sister is still doing amazing things even if she is no longer here.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:05 am

      Hi, Barbara,
      She was (IS) a remarkable woman.
      Thanks for your kind words. xx

  • Reply
    Kiddothings
    August 23, 2011 at 3:27 am

    That is so wonderful to know Kim – that Kay lives on in those who were blessed enough to be gifted by her organs. This is so touching.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:09 am

      Dear, kiddothings,
      Kay was (IS) such a BLESSING to us. You will never know how much.
      thank you for your words xxx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    August 23, 2011 at 4:54 am

    My heart breaks for you!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:05 am

      Dear BD,
      thank you for popping over here. xx

  • Reply
    Kimberly
    August 23, 2011 at 5:15 am

    This is my first time visiting your site so I did not know the back story of your beautiful sister Kay.
    I don’t know, nor can I fathom the pain that you feel for losing her in such a horrible way…but know that my heart does ache tremendously for you and I’m sending prayers for strength and healing.
    She is a hero to so many who needed another chance at life and you are a hero for not letting her light dim. By talking about her and what happened you’re helping so many women who could be in Kay’s shoes right this moment. You can (and I know you are) help make them get the help that they deserve.
    Again, I am so sorry. Kay is a beautiful soul.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:12 am

      –Dear, Kimberly,
      Yes. This is the reason I started this blog a year ago.
      I thank you for you lovely words.
      Kay’s light will NEVER dim as long as I have breath inside my body. xx

  • Reply
    Pierre
    August 23, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Hi Kim,
    I won’t say that I know what you’re going through, but I will say that I am in deep hardship too.
    Seems like days are hard to swallow and the whole body just wants to sink and stay near the pillow.
    I hope time will heal and help for you. She’s special and as for you. So let her be happy out there, through you 😉

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:23 am

      Dear, Pierre,

      So nice of you to stop over from New Zealand. I looove your blog!

      “Seems like days are hard to swallow and the whole body just wants to sink and stay near the pillow”

      Yes, you pretty much described this perfectly. For me, the mornings are HELL,

      I pray for your hardship, as well, P.

      As my Kenyan Pen Pal says: MAN MUST LIVE.

      See you in the kitchen soon. Can’t wait to see what you’re making.

  • Reply
    Kelly
    August 23, 2011 at 6:38 am

    Keep looking towards the light; the warmth and love that resides in all of us and sets the world on fire. I’m so sorry for your loss. Kay’s love carries on forever.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:07 am

      –Kelly,
      Forever. Always.
      I am looking for the light.
      thanks for you beautiful words. xx

  • Reply
    Phil
    August 23, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Kim, knowing that Kay’s spirit already touches everyone you’ve introduced her to is quite moving. Knowing that a physical part of Kay lives on to touch and bless another living being is simply sublime and incredibly heartwarming. It is an ultimate gift of selfless love. I feel for you, and I hope when you’re having those predictably difficult and dark days you will find your way back to this blog and take comfort that Kay is not nearly as far away as you think. She lives with you, through you, and with and through others as well.

    Light and Love to you Kim.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 9:54 am

      —Dear, Phil.
      your words felt like a warm blanket wrapping around me.
      Thank you. 🙂

  • Reply
    Dad
    August 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    I have read Melissa’s card many times, it makes me feel so good that Kay’s healthy organs are
    making so many people live on.She will never be forgotten.
    I would like meet Melissa in person.
    Love You
    Dad

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm

      —Me, too, Daddy,
      that would be quite something, wouldn’t it?
      Kay will live on forever…..forever.
      for all eternity….until we meet again.
      love you more than orange marmalade bars w/ drizzled chocolate. 😉

  • Reply
    Irene
    August 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    That is AWESOME that Kay’s liver is helping someone! She is carrying on through someone else!

    That definitely has to give you strength knowing that!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 1:04 pm

      —Irene,
      yes, a bit more strenth to know Kay is still giving….as she always did on earth.
      Love when you visit me 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Good Girl Gone Green
    August 23, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing that in her death, other lives were saved, and it must be nice to hear from them to know that they are doing well! Big hugs…this is soooo worth stumbling, to share your story.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 3:24 pm

      Dear, Good Girl,
      I shall come over to see you, too. 🙂
      thank you for stumbling over.

  • Reply
    Lance
    August 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Your words are very beautiful in rememberance.

    Thank you for coming to see me at my place. I shall be back here. Hope you do the same.

    Lance

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      —-Lance,
      thanks for reading about my dear Kay.
      Yes, please do come again….And yes
      I shall definetely come over to visit you, too.

  • Reply
    Adriana Iris
    August 23, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    She is EVERYWHERE… love ya!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 3:56 pm

      Oh, I looooooooooove that, Adrianna.
      She is EVERYWHERE spreading the love. xxx Love ya back.

  • Reply
    Linda
    August 23, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Oh my, you have a way with words. Powerful.
    Love, love, love that Kay gave life to others. What an awesome legacy.
    Thank you for opening your heart to all of us.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 3:58 pm

      Dear, Linda,
      thank you for visiting me.
      I love love love that Kay is still giving. (as she Always has.)
      And Yes, my heart is cracked wide open…. bleeding into the world. xxx

  • Reply
    mercy
    August 23, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    how beautiful.
    Man must live.
    I love how you write Kim. And Kay is so beautiful. I have her cards on my table, she was so nice to me.
    Someday, we will meet.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 3:59 pm

      —We will all be together one day, My dear Mercy, My African Queen.
      Love you more than kittens in chocolate. xx

  • Reply
    joann mannix
    August 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    One of my very favorite quotes goes, “Life is eternal and love is immortal: And death is only a horizon. And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.”

    Not only in death, does your sister live here on earth, but she’s there, just beyond where your eyes can see. She’s there, a guiding force over all of you who loved her so dearly.

    I am so sorry for the horrific violence that circumscribed her death and the pain that brings to you.

    God bless you and your family as you walk down this hard, hard path of mourning.

    And If I may be a little irreverent for a minute? I’m Irish and it’s kind of how we do things. We walked out of my father’s funeral howling with laughter over a joke someone had cracked as we proceeded out. But in answer to your question? Bono has my heart forever and always. There is no question.

    Sorry. Sorry. Okay, just had to get that out.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:54 pm

      —Thank you for your beautiful words, Joann.

      Yes, Life is Eternal & Love is Immortal…

      —-. If this were not so, I would have parished long ago.

      Ps. Bono would be my pick, too. So sexy. And I loooove smart men!

  • Reply
    ed pilolla
    August 23, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    i’m so sorry for your loss.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 7:54 pm

      –Thank you, Ed.

  • Reply
    Julie @ mamamash
    August 23, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    That something so beautiful can come from such an ugly event is testament to the fact that even though darkness tries its best, light still triumphs, even if it only glimmers here and there.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      —Julie,
      your words filled me up.
      thank you. x

  • Reply
    Isabelle
    August 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    I can only image what it would be like to lose my sister. She is my best friend, especially after I left my abusive husband. I honor your strength and courage to help and educate others by sharing her story and your story.

    I believe you’ve been to my web site and I would love it if you would support another effort of mine by considering creating a post for Domestic Violence Awareness month in October here

    http://www.bloggersunite.org/event/october-is-domestic-violence-awareness-month

    You have so much to give and I appreciate your consideration.

    Isabelle

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 9:10 pm

      —Isabelle,
      I am now Kay’s voice….the one she never had…
      I shall look at your site. Thanks for visiting . x

  • Reply
    Sue the Desperate Housemommy
    August 23, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Wow. I’ve happened upon a post that refers to something much bigger than what I am aware of. Will say a prayer tonight…for peace for your heart.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 23, 2011 at 9:12 pm

      Dear, Sue,
      It is bigger than me, as well.
      I thank you for you prayer. It is appreciated. xx

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    August 24, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Being a donor is the last beautiful thing a human can do for mankind. Kay left part of herself within others, and not just the donor recipients. I’m so glad you heard from one of them.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 24, 2011 at 7:36 am

      —Terri,
      I told my daddy yesterday…. “Can you imagine if somebody could’ve had her heart?”
      Sadly, because of the gunshot & loss of oxygen, that was not possible, but Kay’s heart was the most beautiful part of her.
      xx kiss for you, dear.

  • Reply
    Robin | Farewell, Stranger
    August 24, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Heartbreakingly sad, but so glad part of her lives on. Such a beautiful gift.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 24, 2011 at 3:57 pm

      Robin,
      Yes, what a beautiful gift…so beautiful.
      xx

  • Reply
    The Flying Chalupa
    August 24, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    The heartbreak never truly stops, does it?

    But organ donation is so important and such a wonderful gift! Your sister does live on and even if the others haven’t written, there is light there too.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 24, 2011 at 4:40 pm

      Dear Flying C.
      So true. The heartbreak never stops. One only learns to live with the pain…. and Yes, there is light knowing that my dear Kay is still giving even if she is not on this earth…. xxx

  • Reply
    Tara
    August 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Kim,

    My heart broke reading this. I’ve never lost someone I loved dearly, but I know how it feels to miss someone. But at least I have the hope of seeing them again, for they’re alive. When the person we miss is dead, there is no hope, at least not in this lifetime.

    I imagine it’s like a constant aching in the chest, sometimes you can’t even breathe. The tears are unstoppable. You’re suffering, but enjoy and embrace those “glimpses of light” you speak of. Ask God to help you see, hear, and feel His presence, Kay’s. I promise He will come through.

    I don’t know when the pain will stop for you, Kim. It might never stop; you might just become used to it. Carry it around like a ball-and-chain. But let me tell you something…you get stronger that way. And you ARE stronger; I can tell from your posts.

    Keep on keepin’ on, lady. One breathe – one prayer – at a time. Love you!

    Tara

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm

      ——-Tara,
      One learns to live with that constant aching in the chest. One cries. One can’t breathe at times.
      This is all true.
      You know. You know. You have been with me thru the whole ordeal.
      God lives.
      I also know this is true. If it were not true….I would surly die.
      Luv u.
      I am sooooooooooo happy about your new LOVE 🙂

  • Reply
    Charlene
    August 28, 2011 at 9:07 am

    The people who received Kay’s organs are truly blessed Kim. Not only because they have a second chance at life, but because truly some of Kay’s heart and Kay’s spirit must be inside of them along with the organs they received.

    Love you girl… (and so glad you saw a tiny glimmer of light.)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 28, 2011 at 10:36 am

      —Charlene,
      have I told you lately that you are a GEM? xx Luv U 2 xx

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