Kim's Blogs

Mr. Liverpool’s Beans On Toast


 { For Mr. Liverpool whom I Love Love Love }

 

–I’m off during the summer months so Mr. Liverpool comes home for lunch.

Yeah, I’m nice that way.  I actually stop writing blogs for a while to fix some chow for my man.

Anyhow,  he calls from work, “What’s for lunch today?”

“Um, I don’t know.  What do you go for?”

“Something hot,” he says.

Get your mind out of the gutter.   He’s not talking about an afternoon delight, honey.

“Oh, I know.  How about some beans on toast?” I finally say.

Don’t laugh.  British people eat that shit.

I put the hot beans on toast by noon.  Set it on the table.

Only he doesn’t get home until quarter past.

His lunch is sitting beautifully just waiting like a lovely picture out of  Barefoot Contessa.   I even added sliced strawberries for garnish.

“What’s wrong?” I ask as he begins eating.  I can see his face making that weird expression like someone let a big fart.

“The beans are cold.”

“Weeell, I’ll heat them up again.”

I seize his plate all huffily.   I stomp to the microwave like the brat I am. 

I make more toast and pour the stupid beans over the top.

He stares at his food.  Just stares like some snotty kid not wanting to eat his vegetables.

“Whaaaaaaat?”  I ask loudly.   

“I think the beans exploded.”

I must admit, they did turn a bit hummusy.  But I’m sure they’d taste just the same.

“I’m sorry, Kim.  I can’t eat those things.”

“Why?  So they’re a little mashed, a little mushy.  Big deal.”

He looks up at me all serious-like.

“They seriously  look like cat puke.”

I should laugh, but I get all pissed off.

I eat his strawberries one by one.   

I pout:::::I sigh:::: I have a pity party.

I’m good at pity parties.

Apparently, he doesn’t appreciate the time I put into these lunches.

The canned beans.     The burnt toast.     The left over hotdogs.      The runny eggs.

I mean, the dude didn’t marry me for my domestic abilities, did he?

Finally he says,  “I think I’m going to Subway.”

“I hear they make kick ass sandwiches,”  I utter sarcastically as he walks out the door.  

Sometimes a girl just can’t win.

Dear Reader:   Have you cooked something that your partner despised?   When was the last time you did something outrageously funny in the kitchen?

Watch How To Make Beans On Toast Here

—–A Bit About Liverpool


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79 Comments

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    August 16, 2011 at 8:27 am

    I stopped cooking when my ex-chef would say dinner was okay. Okay – hate that word. I handed him the kitchen towel and the spatula and said he was on his own. I do think I would be thinner if I cooked, but I get all pissy if I hear that word. xxx

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 12:56 pm

      –Okay? Yes, At least say FABULOUS! xx Kiss.

  • Reply
    Trish
    August 16, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Thanks for the laughs today Kim 🙂 I could see and hear your voices and you made me chuckle!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      Trish,
      Glad I could give you a giggle at Mr. Liverpool’s expense. Haaaaaaa ….xxxxx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury
    August 16, 2011 at 9:22 am

    🙂 I could totally visualize that! My dude is quite a cutie – says everything is great. Except the okra. His favorite veg. He’ll say, “it was good, but you, not like that time!” And of course, my son, Vidur will say “perfect” for whatever I make. If only I could get a consistent A+ for that okra! 😀 Thing is – Sury hates any kitchen work – so is usually quite grateful I’ve taken over. That doesn’t mean I am dying to please him all the time via his tummy – still! I do it everyday and it is cool like that.

    But I remember the first time Sury came home. It is acknowledged in my family that there are certain things only I cook fabulously, and one of them is “pulao” So – we had the sweets Sury liked, and everything ready. And imagine, I opened the pressure cooker with a flourish to find, not a beautifully cooked veg rice with each grain of rice smiling up at me – but a bit of a mashed veg rice. Well, only God knows why that rice behaved that way, that day. Memorable though :-). He ate it anyway, saying the taste was fine, and that when we chew it in our mouths, it is goin to end up mashed anyway..blah blah blah. So mortifying though. Because, in the 14 years we’ve now been married, that veg rice I make weekly never got mashed!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:01 pm

      Dear, Vidya,
      I can just see you opening that cooker and expecting some gorgeous flufffy rice…and there sits mash sticking its tongue out at you!
      I have a feeling you are a Brilliant Cook. I adore Indian Spices!! xxxx kIss Hug.

  • Reply
    Totsymae
    August 16, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Kim, you couldn’t even get the beans on toast right? I’m gonna have to scratch my head on this one.

    How about you give us a follow-up vlog on whipping this dish up the right way, ’cause it may come in handy for me one day. (wink, wink) And show us how fly you looked when Hubby came home, how you greeted him at the door and kicked your heel up when you planted a Kimmy Kiss on his cheek. 🙂
    (still scratching my head though).

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm

      Tots,
      Thinking about sex again, Huh?
      Well, perhaps he should ahve had that rather than the Mushed up Beans 🙂 I’ll suggest this when he comes home tomorrow xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    The Bipolar Diva
    August 16, 2011 at 10:25 am

    That’s so freaking funny. I have to admit that beans on toast is a new one for me. After 23 years my husband told me he didn’t like my tacos, the ones just like my mom made for us as kids. it hurt my feelings but come on they were my mom’s how can I stop making them? He can have beans on toast!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:06 pm

      Dear, Diva,
      So you still make the tacos? Good for you. RIght in your face, buddy. Eat them or starve!! xxx Give him some B on T. Haaaaaaaaaaa.

  • Reply
    Baking N Books
    August 16, 2011 at 11:21 am

    I LOVE beans in tomato sauce. There – I said it. And yes the canned kind – with all the sodium. Sue me! 😉

    Thank you for the wonderful comment on my blog. Beautiful.

    I have to explore your books here…:)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:07 pm

      —Dear, Baking,
      You gotta be a Brit Chick.
      If so, I like you immediately!!! 🙂 xx See you at Baking & Books

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    August 16, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Too funny Kim – I had a good giggle at this.
    Some days you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
    Have a happy evening.
    🙂 Mandy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:09 pm

      —Mandy,
      Do you guys eat that sort of stuff in South Africa?
      Happy Evening to you, tooooo 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    August 16, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    That’s his fault for being late! Ben does that to me ALL THE TIME. I get SOOO mad!

    Really want to try beans on toast now…I’m curious.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:11 pm

      Hey, BD,
      —At least I have somebody else on my side. YES!
      After you try the beans on toast (which will probably turn out for you unlike ME)
      let me know your thoughts. Ok? xxx

  • Reply
    ed pilolla
    August 16, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    eating beans on toast would be a serious step up for my lunch habits. i just had a cracker:)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      —Oooooh, Ed,
      I would have had you over for mushy beans if I would have know that!! 🙂

  • Reply
    Pure Complex
    August 16, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    I absolutely love strawberries.. but I’m not sure I can do these beans lol. I have such funny memories with people eating beans that I usually stay away from them lmao. But I do like dried beans

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:32 pm

      Dear, Pure,
      I’m not even going to ask about your Bean Memories……” Sounds a bit stinky to me 🙂 xxx

  • Reply
    The Girl Behind
    August 16, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Poor Mr Liverpool!

    I love the blogosphere for educating me so much. I’d assumed that everyone in the world had beans on toast as a comfort food. Hot, obviously, and with nice firm beans (!).

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 1:59 pm

      Dear, Girl Behind,
      Obviously, You need to teach me how !! 🙂 xxx

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    August 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Haha!! Brits and their beans!

    Fortunately my husband likes my cooking. Except for that one time when I completely effed up scrambled eggs. How does one even screw up scrambled eggs??? Er duh, when one doesn’t know how to make them??

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 5:02 pm

      ———Mama,
      now I don’t feel so bad Effing up Beans. HAaaaaa~ xxx

  • Reply
    Adriana Iris
    August 16, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    epic fail… he was kind to show up…roflol

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm

      –A.
      next time he’ll get a plate of nothin’ :::::::::Baaaaaaaaaa :::::::::::: haaaaaaaaaaaa. xxX

      R U reading this, Mr. L.?

  • Reply
    Dad
    August 16, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Hi Kimmy, Mom and i just read your bean blog and all the comments. she said she doesn’t blame Mr. L. for going to the subway instead of eating cold mushey beans. But what do you expect
    from her.(ST. SHIRLEY)
    Love You Better Than Moms Baked Beans
    Daddy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm

      Saint Shirley AWAYS sticks up for Mr. L.

      Love you more than all the mushy beans in England xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Laci
    August 16, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Oh I make things that hubs hates all the time…chicken & dumplings, fried chicken, ham & beans, chicken pot pie, pretty much anything that is a comfort food. I don’t know what his deal is. The kids and I gobble that stuff up!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 7:29 pm

      Hey, Laci,
      We need to start a support group!!! xx 🙂
      thanks for stopping into my craZy world….

  • Reply
    mom2kiddos
    August 16, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Haha! My husband is afraid to comment on my cooking nowadays – after all the effort I put in to make him a homecooked meal – he’d better just eat it!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 9:52 pm

      —-Dear Mom,
      I agree. Just eat it, Damn it!!
      xxx

  • Reply
    Ann
    August 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Hi Kim! The cat puke line was hysterical!

    I usually have pretty good luck with meals for my hubby…but when I have a disaster, it’s usually a big one! I tried to make a low-fat version of pasta carbonara recently and it was SO bad that hubby begged me not to try to make it again and stick with the full fat stuff! It TASTED like cat puke!

    Once I made a casserole and hubby came home to see the entire casserole – pan and all – sticking out of the trash can. He turned to me and said, “I want to take you to dinner”. Smart man!

    I also used to make this chicken with gravy and buttery onions. He proudly declared he could eat this any time, any way, any where! So…I made it for him about 6 months later and made the gravy BLUE! I used an entire bottle of food coloring. Needless to say, he’s never made that boast again!

    ….btw, if you’re in the South one day – I know a place that makes even better sandwiches!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 16, 2011 at 9:55 pm

      Dear, Ann,
      I can just visulize that pan sticking out ot the garbage! And your dear hubs bringing you out to dinner, which you truly deserved after that disaster 🙂 What a sweetheart.
      —if I’m comin’ South, I’ll give you a buzz 🙂 xxxxx

      • Reply
        Ann
        August 17, 2011 at 9:05 pm

        Hi Kim! I LOVED your comment – and I had to stop by and say:

        WHEN (not if) you win the lottery – give me a buzz….I’ll buy some chef whites and HAPPILY be your cook!

        ….I make delicious beans and will put them on home-made bread for your hubby while you shop for some fabulous shoes and lingerie!

        If you do come south – buzz me – I’ll make sure you’re well fed!

  • Reply
    Emily
    August 16, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    My husband used to make all these suggestions every night at dinner. He’d say things like, “This is really good, but next time I wonder what it would taste like if you added more saffron.” I don’t think he was trying to be a jerk (I think he’s just weirdly interested in cooking), but it drove me crazy — so I completely stopped cooking. A year later, I can promise you if he came home to mushy beans on burned toast he’d say “This is incredible! Thanks for making this for me, sweetie!” Sometimes, you have to take a firm hand in husband training. 🙂

  • Reply
    oh my dior
    August 16, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    this made me hungry!!

    http://www.ohmydior.org/

  • Reply
    Jenny
    August 17, 2011 at 3:45 am

    I stopped having food ready for when hubby gets home years ago, he’s always late! He either has to chuck his food in the microwave when he gets home or wait for me to cook it. Clearly my hubby didn’t marry me for my domestic abilities either 😉

    I must have completed my transformation into a Brit! I love beans on toast AND even a jacket potato with beans on top (with a heavy sprinkling of cheese, lots and lots of cheese).

    mmm…damn this low carb diet, I’m craving beans on toast now 😛

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 7:22 am

      Jenny,
      You’re married to a Brit, Too? I just adore British Men 🙂
      And I looooove British Food….Especially black pudding & sausage rolls.

      Please send me your LOW Carb Diet. I could DO THAT! Haaaaaaaaaa x

      • Reply
        Jenny
        August 17, 2011 at 9:34 am

        We’re both Aussies but live in England 🙂 I looove British Food too! Regular pub food, homely British food and gourmet British food. We went to a Food/Music Festival in July and loads of London restaurants were selling their grub for £5 a plate….it was heaven!

        Thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂

  • Reply
    Motpg
    August 17, 2011 at 5:07 am

    Ha! My poor husband gave up. He asks what I’m making and 9 out of 10 just makes himself something else. Usually fish. I don’t ‘do’ fish. It smells : )

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    August 17, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Hey, Motpg.
    You are my kind of girl!! 🙂 xxx

  • Reply
    Amanda
    August 17, 2011 at 8:10 am

    I bet you still win 😉

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 9:33 am

      -Amanda -I always do 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Lady Jennie
    August 17, 2011 at 10:36 am

    I love to cook, but my husband will not anything with tahini in it. (I know – you probably wonder what it even is, but I love it).

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 11:09 am

      Dear, Lady J.
      yes, I am wondering what tahini is…I shall google. 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    August 17, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    This has inspired me to do an Ode to Toast next week!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm

      —Way to Go, BD. I shall be waiting !! xxx

  • Reply
    Beverly Diehl
    August 17, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    Aaah, the food wars. I’m a picky eater, my ex was an even pickier one. He would never have eaten my beans on toast – basically, if I made it, he wouldn’t eat it, period, but he wanted to cook every night and DEMANDED that I love all his cooking. Some I did, some I coulda lived without. (And now I do, hooray for me!)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm

      —–Hey, Beverly,
      Horray For You, Girl!
      Now you can eat any damn thing you please. Freedom is a beautiful thing. xx

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    August 17, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    So freaking funny! You little domestic Goddess you. Too dang cute!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 6:35 pm

      Domestic Freak Show! Yep, Mr. L. should have married him one of those
      Russian chicks ! 🙂 xxx Kiss

  • Reply
    Kelly
    August 17, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    I come from a family of 12 (10 kids – one of those Irish Catholic/French Canadian combinations). Beans on toast was a favourite – as was peas on toast with ham 🙂

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 6:37 pm

      O, Kelly,
      I loooooooooooove creamed peas on toast. We used to have
      that when I was little.
      Beans on toast? Nope. As you can tell. xx

  • Reply
    kopite58
    August 17, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Not to worry……the egg and chips was good!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 8:05 pm

      –Mr. L.
      I made up for it then???? xxxxx

  • Reply
    Jessica
    August 17, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    This is how it would be if my husband came home for lunch. I avoid cooking whenever I can.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 11:01 pm

      —Jessica,
      I have tried that. Damn it, It doesn’t work. They keep comin’ back for more burnt toast, runny eggs, & mushed up beans 😉 xx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    August 17, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    You have such a great sense of humour Kim! 😛 And yes I have although that was more because the poor dear didn’t heat the soup up properly! 😛 xxx

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      August 17, 2011 at 11:35 pm

      —Ahhhhhh, Lorraine,
      I love when you stop over. Will you remember me when you’re famously famous? xxx

  • Reply
    Bridget
    August 18, 2011 at 7:55 am

    I don’t make anything he despises. At least not that I know of. He would never tell me because I would cry and then find some way to blame him like, “Well it would taste better if you hadn’t gotten me pregnant with all of these stupid kids!” Seems reasonable to me.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 18, 2011 at 9:22 am

      –B.
      That is soooooooooo funny! I can so identify. Damn it, it’s YOUR fault! Luv It. xx

  • Reply
    LBDDiaries
    August 18, 2011 at 7:57 am

    You mean aside from the egg throwing incident? Which may or may not be the only food throwing in 17 years? Alpha Hubby will pretty much eat anything I set before him but occasionally he is brave enough to eventually let me know he’s not wild about something. That’s what he says, “I’m not wild about… your family’s beef stroganoff. Peaches. Gumbo.” My take is, “good, more for me.” I am sneaky about some stuff, tho. He makes incredible mashed potatoes. Once I realized this, I’d praise him to high heavens about his mashed potatoes. It took him a long time to realize that while, yes, his pots (white and sweet) were excellent good, it also meant I got out of making them everything Thanksgiving. Heh heh. He be a wee bit slow sometimes.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 18, 2011 at 9:25 am

      OoooH, LB,
      I do love me some goooood Mashed Potatoes. So nice that Alpha makes those for Thanksgiving. Man, It’s a lot of work peeling those things. XX Kiss For You.

  • Reply
    Stasha
    August 18, 2011 at 8:11 am

    I once cooked a meal even my dog refused to eat. And it was meat!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 18, 2011 at 9:29 am

      —Stasha, OMG. I’m not the only one 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Amy ~ Eat. Live. Laugh. Shop.
    August 18, 2011 at 9:28 am

    That made me laugh out loud! I wouldn’t have eaten it either — but I refuse lots of things the English relish in!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 18, 2011 at 10:05 am

      —Amy,
      We’ve been married for sooooooo many years…and damn it, I still can’t make those stupid beans !!! HAAAAAAA

  • Reply
    Sandy Webb
    August 18, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    I have always heard that British food was bad and….well…..beans on toast proves that….LOL

    That sounds horrible to me! And then you nuked it and blew up the beans…LMAO

    Meet you at Subway for lunch….

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 18, 2011 at 3:05 pm

      ———Sandy,
      Yeah, I nuked them and they exploded, but I put them on his plate anyhow!! Baaa Haaaa I am a very naughty girl. 🙂

  • Reply
    Bella
    August 18, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Kim, poor Mr. Liverpool! I had to laugh at the “beans exploded”! OMG! Picky much, Mr. Liverpool? 🙂 The Significant Other gets to me when he refuses to eat certain food items because he’s “not into them.” Are you kidding me? I make fish and he says, “I’ll pass. I’m not into it today.” My reply usually consists of, “Then I hope you’re into a sandwich!” hee hee! 🙂 Great post, love!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 18, 2011 at 3:06 pm

      —I’m not into it today…then I hope you’re into a sandwich!
      FABulous.
      You tell him, Miss, Bell!! xxxx Haaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • Reply
    Mickie Brown
    August 19, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Beans on toast actually doesn’t sound that bad. Both are good so together they should be great–right!!!!!. Mickie 🙂

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 19, 2011 at 3:41 pm

      –Mickie,
      Mr. Liverpool thinks they are SMASHING together 🙂 xxx

  • Reply
    Linda
    August 20, 2011 at 5:15 am

    Laughed all the way through this!! With all the pretentiousness that goes on in Blogger-land, your blog is a breath of fresh air.

    We’ve been married 42 years, and I have cooked many things my husband despised. My worst disasters were before we got married, when I undercooked cornish hens for a dinner for my future in-laws (that was the same night I made soup that was supposed to be dressing), and right after we got married, when I fried shrimp to the point it absorbed all the grease in the pan and was literally like shoe leather. I forged ahead and am a caterer now, but that hasn’t stopped my flops in the kitchen. But now they are “experiments” and “recipe testing”, OK? 🙂

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      August 20, 2011 at 7:01 am

      —Linda,
      first of all CONGRATS for being with the same dude for 42 YEARS!
      WOW… for Mr. Liverpool and I …it’s been about 28, and I still can’t cook properly!
      —Loved your story about the cornish hens & shrimp 🙂
      thanks for comin’ over to my CraZy blogmosphere. x

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