Kim's Blogs

My Big Fat Italian Family


 The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family. —-THOMAS JEFFERSON

 

—–If you frequent my blogs, you already know my family is 100% of my life.

 

 Right?

 

I mean, I Love  Love   Love  them.

 

I love them more than my own existence.

 

They are my Big Fat Italian Wild Republican Pasta Eating Family.

 

When you peel everything back….every single solitary thing

 

Family is what remains at the CORE & nothing else truly matters a damn.

 

So when Kay was murdered  by the monster,  I went crazy–insane.

 

I screamed & wailed & lamented.

 

I died. 

 

But I lived.

 

I lived and died at the same time.

 

Even without her, my heart continued beating.

 

And I wanted her   Back  BACK    Baaaaaaaaaaaackfucking backkk

 

Thus,  I started this blog.

 

Didn’t I tell you that?

 

Didn’t I tell you  drinking red wine  the Words have saved me from tipping to the other side? 

 

From entering one flew over the fucking coo coo nest?

 

    But something else has saved me, too.

 

Funny Stories.  Humorous People.   Crisp Wit.   Amusing Blogs.

 

Yeah, the distractions have been like small sparkling prayers.

 

Anyhow….

 

My daddy visits me yesterday.

 

He tells me about his morning escapade.

 

He and Saint Shirley are in West Duluth when the traffic suddenly stops.

 

A little puppy is sitting  in the middle of Grand Avenue.  Just sitting there nonchalantly grooming herself.

 

This dude in back of daddy is honking like a fool. 

 

   ::::::HONKING:::::HONKING:::::

 

Obviously he doesn’t give a damn about cute little puppies.

 

Daddy ignores him.

 

When the puppy is lifted to safety by his owner, daddy lingers there for a while to catch his bearings.

 

The honking dude drives up next him and screams, “FUCK YOU!”

 

The nerve of Assholes nowadays.

 

Well, they meet up again at the next set of lights….. and Saint Shirley rolls down her window and points her thin little finger to the honking dude.

 

 And in her oh-so-sweet -Mother Theresa manner, she says–  “Shaaaaame Ooon Yooou!”

 

Honking dude looks her square in the face.

 

And you must remember, honking dude doesn’t even like puppies.

 

He stares at Saint Shirley and shouts,  “FUCK YOU !”

 

I am laughing so hard by now that I my stomach hurts, my jaw is throbbing.

 

I mean, the thought of somebody saying that to my sweet mommy….

 

…. My Christian, cake baking, caretaking, non-cussing,  grandmotherly mommy.

 

Something about this causes me to piss my pants.

 

But at the same time….

 

We are on the stake out for  an orange colored Camero.

 

License  plates beginning with the letters :  VEP

 

Yeah,  I’m talking about you, Honking Dude.

 

Your Ass is Grass.

 

Nobody talks to Saint Shirley like that.

 

Nobody!

 

REWARD    for the whereabouts of the Honking Dude   —4 dozen Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies

Fuschia Glitter Lips My Kisses
 

 

—Readers, have you ever had road rage or observed somebody who did?


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54 Comments

  • Reply
    Trish
    July 16, 2011 at 10:46 am

    When I come up we are going on a Camero hunt! Inform Tia and Alina they will be accomplices!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 11:57 am

      Trish,
      His Ass I Grassssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. He is getting some Ass Kickin’ xxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Trish
    July 16, 2011 at 10:47 am

    And start gathering expired eggs:)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 11:58 am

      Oh, yeah,
      lets stink up Honker Dude’s wheels 🙂

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    July 16, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Oh no! I do hate road rage… luckily there isn’t much of it about here in Sweden – big country, not so many people and all that.

    The road rage and impoliteness is getting worse in the UK though, which is why I no longer drive over there.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 11:59 am

      —Ooooooooh, I can imagine the UK is loaded with them….
      but here is little ol’ Duluth suprises me.
      I hear Sweden is Heaven on Earth 🙂

  • Reply
    Brenda
    July 16, 2011 at 11:52 am

    I would NEVER EVER want to be on your bad side Kim. Hugs to Mom and Dad, hope they are well. With the reward a batch of your cookies, I suspect the culprit will be caught soon. Watch out dude, your’re toast.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 12:00 pm

      ~~That Dude better be pissin’ his jeans, man! xxxxxx

  • Reply
    mercy
    July 16, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    love you like a little puppy 🙂

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 12:08 pm

      Love you like a fluffy orange kitten 🙂 xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    July 16, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    What a jerk. Yea, kick his ass. Some people are just born hating and unfortunately, live among people and spread their hate vehemently. yea, kick his hating ass.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 1:27 pm

      I can always count on you, Terri…
      to help me kick some red-neck ASS!!
      xxx hug. Kiss. ooo

  • Reply
    alina
    July 16, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    I’ve already got people on the look out

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      You and Me, Babe.
      No body talks to Nana Like that!
      xxx big fat Kiss

  • Reply
    JTwisdom
    July 16, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Hi Kim,

    Thanks for stopping by my blog via LBS.

    This road rage is really bad. Will keep my eyes out for him. That’s a shame no respect at all for your mom and dad.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 3:43 pm

      Yeah, that dude was raised real nice, Huh?
      I should just go slap his mama!!!
      xxx Thanks for popping in. Loved your stories!!!

  • Reply
    LBDDiaries
    July 16, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    I suspect you are going to find him quickly – I can’t wait to hear the rest of the story!! You seemed to be channeling Dirty Dancing there for a minute. Nobody puts Saint Shirley a corner.

    p.s. put some shrimp under his foot mat in the back seat. Yowzers does that stink and is impossible to get out of the carpet. Or just let it get old and throw it in his car window… yuck.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 3:41 pm

      Some old fish!!! Good Idea, Nan.
      Or some rotten Eggs. Let Egg um!!

      xxxx Kiss for you.

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    July 16, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    That dude totally deserves an ass kicking. Puppy-hating disrecpectful ass.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      yeah, the puppy hating red neck freak show!
      he better watch out for the big fat Italian Family comin’ to get him!!! xxxx

  • Reply
    Helene Abbott
    July 16, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Kim, you really crack me up. While pissed at the driver, I have to smile at Sweet Shirley’s motherly comment, and your Daddy’s tender ways. Ain’t they sweet?
    I agree, through thick and thin, an Italian family sees ya through….especially the “Big fat ones”. LOL
    Love your blogs…
    Sissy

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 16, 2011 at 9:29 pm

      Sissy,
      I can always cound on you for a Kind Word!
      Especially when it’s about my Big Fat Italian Fam!

      xxxxx

  • Reply
    Alex
    July 17, 2011 at 12:21 am

    You call your Mom Saint Shirley? how sweet!! she must be an Angel!

    SHAME on the Honking Dude!! Go to HELL!!

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 6:54 am

      Honking Dude is in BIG trouble around Duluth, MN. HA HA. xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    July 17, 2011 at 5:00 am

    Kim, you are hilarious and a natural story teller! Serves honking dude right-he deserved some cussing! 😀 xxx

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 6:56 am

      ~~I don’t know why that story made me laugh so hard….
      i just can’t believe somebody would look at St Shirley and say
      such a nasty word!
      xxx Kiss for you, L.

  • Reply
    Tia
    July 17, 2011 at 8:37 am

    You know I got your back girlfriend!

    Love You

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 8:50 am

      ___Yep, You’re darn Tootin’ !
      Shall we go look for Honker Dude in the Hood? HA HA
      luv U.

  • Reply
    Adriana Iris
    July 17, 2011 at 9:08 am

    people can be such assholes… makes you wonder if they were ever kissed by their mamma’s…

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 9:14 am

      I thought about that Adrianna,
      Instead of slapping honker dude, i should slap his mama 🙂
      xxxxxxxxxxx So- Not Cool.

  • Reply
    Totsymae
    July 17, 2011 at 4:38 pm

    How rude! Though, you kinda have to look at it like, if that guy had been the car ahead instead of your dad, the puppies wouldn’t have lived. He would’ve run over those puppies because he’s so self-absorbed.
    Disrespecting your parents and disregard for those puppies, to me, is an act of spiritual suicide. Don’t worry about him. He’ll disintegrate on his own stupidity.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 6:34 pm

      oooOh, I never thought of that!
      The puppy lived because daddy was a car ahead….
      Honker dude would have ran right over the poor little puppy!
      damn Asshole, red neck fool!
      xxx

  • Reply
    Joan
    July 17, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    Some people will say and do anything. No one matters to them. Aren’t you lucky that your family is not like that? Your mom is a very sweet lady. She must have been shocked when the guy yelled at her. I hate road rage. There are a lot of idiots out there and everyone is in such a hurry. Anyway, thanks for the great story, Kim, as always. I’m glad nothing worse happened. Sometimes it does.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm

      —–Yeah, Joan,
      I have a feeling Honker Dude was one of those asshole gun guys!
      Seriously. He would have probably pulled out his metal to show he
      was a man.
      He was NO MAN!
      xxx Kiss for you.

  • Reply
    Dad
    July 17, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Kim’ I’m glad that i’m not that honking dude with all your commentiers looking for him. He’s in
    trouble.
    Love You More Than Pasta
    Daddy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 17, 2011 at 6:41 pm

      Love you more than melted dark chocolate over
      melted dark chocolate! WOWIE.
      that’s A LOT. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    July 18, 2011 at 12:51 am

    Oh my! Whatever happened to people being nice and patient! Friendly doesn’t seem to be the norm any more does it? I am really sorry that your folks had to endure such profanity and anger – urgh, it’s so upsetting! Fear not my friend, everybody reaps what they sow.
    🙂 Mandy xo

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 18, 2011 at 7:50 am

      —-Yes, I do believe in Karma!
      Glad to see you back, Mandy 🙂 xxxx

  • Reply
    Jane
    July 18, 2011 at 4:50 am

    Precious Kim…. entertain the thoughts – but please don’t act on them…. this guy is obviously unstable and most likely dangerous. Last thing you need. Love and hugs, Jane

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 18, 2011 at 7:58 am

      ——-Jane.
      this post was all in FUN!
      The car was not a Cameo…and that is not the license plate!!!!
      Dont’ worry, Honey. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
      hoping U R well.

  • Reply
    Irene
    July 18, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Oh, that’s funny!! He thinks he was bad ass because he was in a Camaro. What a testosterone jerk!

    Now every time I see an orange Camaro I’m going to be checking out the plate! 😀

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 18, 2011 at 7:53 am

      —Oh, yeah, babe,
      we’re on the look out for Honker Dude!
      Damn Red Neck Ass !!!
      xx

  • Reply
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson
    July 18, 2011 at 7:51 am

    It is amazing how people can be so angry. I often write about the loss of civility, just basic decency. Sheesh, there was a puppy in the road, people!

    Kim, I think of your blog a lot. I know I don’t know you, but I think about you, your relationship to your sister, your writing, how you have transformed your rage into something else. Something healing for yourself and so many other people.

    And I read this post and I know you didn’t necessarily mean to connect it to your sister — except you did.

    We need to watch out for each other. We need to think of each other as helpless puppies cowering the the middle of intersections. We need to stop our cars and get out of our cars and help each other. Even if it means putting ourselves in danger. We have to do that for each other. We have to start thinking of strangers as people with families. With parents and children and siblings who love them.

    I like the idea of trailing the rage-filled assholes. Just don’t go it alone. 😉

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 18, 2011 at 8:57 am

      —Renee,
      I love your perspective & your wisdom.
      The puppy (yes, Humanity. Kay)
      I looooooooooooove that you observed that!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      WOW. I love love love that!

  • Reply
    Sue W
    July 18, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Okay, I have to tell you that your blogs are making my staff thing that I am a raving lunatic. Half the time I’m tearing up and days like today I am laughing out loud – don’t even bother with the fact that I am sitting in my office reading your blogs when technically I should be working…

    Whatever, that is such a funny story and your mom should actually go on the hunt with you. It would probably terrorize him more if he saw your sweet mama coming at him with a possy of not so polite women who would make him sit and stare at her beautiful face while litstening once again to SHAME ON YOU with out a prayer of responding so rudely and living through it! Take your punishment like a man Honking Dude!

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

      —–Honking Dude better watch out.
      The Mafia is a comin’ after him…
      and seriously, he will not be honkin’ ANY MOre. ha ha.

      Glad I could make you laugh instead of cry today.

      Love you. xxx

  • Reply
    joann mannix
    July 18, 2011 at 10:08 am

    A dude who doesn’t care about puppies and cusses out sweet elderly ladies is just a miserable douchebag. It’s probably because he drives a Camaro. An orange one, at that.

    I once got hit at a stoplight so hard that even with both feet on the brake, I still got slammed into the car in front of me. A woman got out of her hulking SUV, all panicked, with a baby in her hands. There was no way she had time to pull that baby out of its car seat. She apologized and said she’d been fussing with the baby and didn’t stop in time. Um, the light had been red for over a minute. I suggested the three of us should pull over at the school that was right there to exchange information. The car in front of me and myself did and then the girl who hit us, sped off. I got the first three letters of her license plate. And trust me, my big Irish Catholic Republican crazy family was looking all over town for her car. We never found her, but I hope whenever she thinks about that moment, she is filled with shame.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      July 18, 2011 at 10:18 am

      Joann…..Oooh, so there is a Catholic Rubublican Crazy Family, TOO!
      I love that. Us CraZy families are all over the place….
      Don’t worry about the chick that sped off…..Karma is going to get that Biaaach !
      xxxx

  • Reply
    Susan
    July 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    I am loving this Kimmy- laughing SOOOOOOOOO hard!
    reminds me a bit of when my mom was going to give this dude the finger- she was pissed because he almost ran me off the road. But with her alzheimers, she claimed she couldn’t remember which one. LOL! So she gave him the thumb.LOL!
    It’s a good thing we don’t live closer together. The roads would be a different place!
    LOL! Love you! So glad you are “here”. You simply rock, my friend. 🙂 xxoo S

  • Reply
    Kim Sisto-Robinson
    July 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    —Dear, Susie,
    if you lived closer….We’d be having a glass of
    wine together right now !!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
    Oh, your mommy…so sweet.

  • Reply
    Barefeet In The Kitchen
    July 20, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I love that you call your mom Saint Shirley. That is priceless.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      —Barefeet,
      Thanks for stopping by…
      yes, Saint Shirley is Priceless. 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Vidya Sury, Freelance Writer & Blogger
    August 29, 2011 at 1:27 am

    😀 I giggled all the way, reading this. Just visualizing, you know.

  • Reply
    Irene
    August 29, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Saint Shirley is Italian, too, so WATCH IT! She will hit you upside the head with a lasagne noodle!!
    How much do we love Saint Shirley! I want to meet her!!
    I hope that dude in the Camaro hits a telephone pole while shouting FUCK YOU to someone. It would be such poetic justice!

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