~~~It’s been an
eternity 406 408 Days since Kay’s murder.
And I still wake up
saying moaning, “My sister. My sister Oooh, my dear dear sister.”
Have I told you that mornings are the absolute worst?
When one awakens to a dull sun, a chilly breeze., a cold truth.
I lay in bed and think: “What will I do? How will I survive another day? Who can I call? Why is my heart still pounding?”
Sometimes the hours drag on as if I’m walking thru deep sand–never reaching my destination.
…like one of those bizarre dreams where one is running but the legs are standing still.
Sometimes I can block out my new reality by having a glass of wine or two, a martini or two.
I pretend I’m the old Kim, the fun Kim, the carefree Kim.
The Kim that that once praised God for all her sweet, astonishing abundance.
My family likes that.
Likes when I’m happy.
But it doesn’t last.
damn well fucking lasts.
How can it? How can it….without Kay?
We all go Minneapolis for the 4th of July.
We grill, laze on the deck, laugh at family stories, & sip cold drinks.
I look at mom and say, “it’s not the same, is it?”
She smiles a half smile
We know. We know.
A few of us go shopping in Albertville.
Some still waters appear as we stroll around Gap, Adidas, Guess, Wilsons, Banana Republic, Coach, & Ralph Loren.
I turn to Kay’s son Jordan, and say “Ooooh, your mom would love this, wouldn’t she? Walking around with her Starbucks buying Everything in sight!”
We walk together without words.
…clicking cement—bumping into one another’s shoulders—swinging our Gap bags.
We walk together ….
trying to love what is left.
My sister was murdered by Mike Peterson 408 days ago. The sun dulled. The clocks stopped. The world weighs so much less.
—Read More About Kay Here: In Memory of Kay
~~~For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/
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