In Memory of Kay

Dancing With The Goddess


 

 

Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows”—John Betjeman.

–my childhood smells of cinnamon, brown sugar, and vanilla…

  lemon cake.

  chocolate chip cookies.

  sweet butter melting on the stove.

i evaporate into plush- pink- carpeting.

i smoke Marlboros because I think I’m cool—think I’ll live forever.

i get grounded for smoking.  Two weeks at a time.  Two long weeks writing poetry, reading Sylvia Plath, and carving boys names into our wooden bunk beds.

Bruce.  Matt.  Dave.  Whatever.

Kay and I share boyfriends.

she gives me her leftovers.

because we share everything.

they all love Kay.

beautiful high cheek-boned, pouty lipped, soft spoken, Kay.

 … but nobody loves her more than me.

nobody.

our mother is a stay at home mother.  A Saint.  A Goddess.

she stirs, mixes, and bakes before we get home from school. 

she  is the Leave it to Beaver mother.   the Partridge Family mother.

she cranks Patsy Cline on the old stereo on weekends.

“Now that’s a voice,” She always says.

she dances around the yellowed linoleum in bare feet,

pink toenails, pretty peddle pushers.

once, when Kay & Mother were arguing about curfew, she sprayed Kay with the sink hose because  she couldn’t reach her.

Kay stood soaked & sobbing.

i don’t think I ever laughed so hard in my entire life without peeing my pants.

i tell Kay all of my secrets.

for example, when I lost my virginity to some no-named- long-haired jock just because I had too much Lambrusko.

and she told me about her first time,  too.  No big deal.  No fireworks…but at least she remembered his name. 

sometimes we danced  in the kitchen on 65th avenue.

Mother turned up  Patsy to full volume.

she’d twist & turn & twirl–

her hair smelling of Aqua Net against our faces.

and Kay & I spun round & round to “Crazy” with the Goddess.

while chocolate chip cookies melted in the oven

while soft breezes billowed thru windows

while time stood still.

Our Dear Kay was Murdered by Mike Peterson 1 year & 35 days ago.  Nothing remains the same without her.  Nothing.

Read More About Kay Here:   In Memory of Kay 

 ~~~For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Click Here to Donate to ( DAIP) Domestic Abuse Intervention Prevention in Duluth: Click here to donate.

 Large Pink Glitter Lips - Glitter LipsXXxx


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38 Comments

  • Reply
    lbddiaries
    June 29, 2011 at 9:40 am

    I remember mom and an uncle jitter-bugging and him tossing her over his back – it was crazy to watch my mom dance with such abandon! And she was a major Elvis freak and bought me my first 45’s (Sam Cooke, Fly Me to the Moon) simply because she got a stack of them at a yard sale. I didn’t know who Sam Cooke was, I just loved having my own records! Isn’t it funny how scents and sounds can take us back? Awesome post, my sweet e-friend!!!

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 10:03 am

      Oh, Nan,
      ChildHood.
      I wish time could stand still Forever.
      Love the story of mom & uncle! Jitterbug!!! Fabulous.
      xxx

  • Reply
    mercy
    June 29, 2011 at 9:49 am

    True how sound and smell can trigger our memories.

    You write beautifully

    Love you.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

      Dear African Queen,
      I wish you were in America.
      We could talk and talk about writing, memories and our
      sad sad stories. Luv you more than tiger cats.

  • Reply
    Bella
    June 29, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Kim, to remember your childhood and your growing up years in this manner is just beautiful! I’m also as inseperable with my sister and I just smiled when I read the “sharing boyfriends” part! Your mother sounds wonderful! You are indeed fortunate to have such fond memories. I hope they sustain you, friend.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm

      Dear, Bella,
      —–here you are in Spain on holiday…and reading my blog. WTH!??
      Yes, my memories are so beautiful. So lovely..
      and they are all mine 🙂 xxx
      Did you share boyfriends, too ????

  • Reply
    Leann Bergman
    June 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I remember the times I got to come over to your house when I was little. I absolutely loved it- 🙂 There were always goodies! I remember your and Kay’s room – with the bunk beds, the ballerina posters- just so girly and beautiful and with that Siamese cat (Ajax) I think was his name laying on the bed. 🙂 I remember wanting to be beautiful like you and Kay…. I wanted a sister. Your brother on the other hand– Well Alan would make me walk up the big hill across from your house and then try to come back within a certain amount of time- he would help me make tents on your moms beautiful dining room table with sheets everywhere- it was great! Your house was always so much fun and I have so many great memories of being there when I was young and envying my beautiful older cousins.

    I remember you going off to deal black jack on the ship and thinking what an exotic and exciting life….

    I could never say I understand what you are going through because I have never been in your shoes, but just know since the day Kay was brought to the hospital not a day has gone by without you and your family being in my heart and prayers.

    I love your writing and I love you-

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm

      Oh, Leanne,
      you are making me cry (again)
      I miss those carefee, magical days so much.
      so much. so much. i miss my sister so much.
      You want a sister…I will be your sister ! 🙂 xxxx Luv You. Thanks for all of your support…..

  • Reply
    Brenda
    June 29, 2011 at 11:49 am

    I love that you mom cranked up Patsy Cline, she will stay in your soul forever. The memory is is priceless, sharing boyfriends, living in one another’s pockets, laughing and crying, hugging and just being. All priceless, each and every one things moments. As Bella says, you are indeed fortunate.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm

      Fortunate then…
      I am not sure about now without my dear Kay.
      But I still have my Goddess 🙂
      xxx

  • Reply
    Margaret Mckenzie
    June 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I truly hope that my kids remember such sweet memories of me growing up. My true goal from this day forward is to help that happen!! Take care- Maggie
    P.S. Your family is an inspiration!

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm

      Oh, soooo sweet, Maggie.
      What a magical goal.
      I love that you will make this happen :! xxxx

  • Reply
    Adriana Iris
    June 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Kim:
    You are a poet…and a goddess.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

      Adriana~~from one poet to another.
      This statement is appreciated & accepted.
      xxxxx

  • Reply
    Tia
    June 29, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Love You!!

  • Reply
    Christina
    June 29, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    You write so wonderfully about your sister.

    I love that song from Patsy Cline.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 5:06 pm

      Yes, Christina,
      love that one by Patsy!
      brings back so many memories.
      xxx

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    June 29, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Beautiful. 3 beautiful ladies enveloped in the smells and sounds and memories.

    I’m so glad you have that, something you can always go back to, and hug with your heart.

    Alison
    xo

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 5:08 pm

      Alison,
      hug with my heart…I like that.
      I am hugging … I am hugging.
      i am remembering…i am loving.
      ….and those memories are so unbelievably beautiful…..so so beautiful…. xxx

  • Reply
    Dad
    June 29, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Kim, I remember those days————- what great memories, how much fun we all had , even if I
    had to kick some of the boys out of the house at times. But no regrets, never.
    Love You So Much
    Dad

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 7:28 pm

      love you sooooooooooooooooooooooo much, daddy.
      have fun fishing. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    June 29, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Such lovely memories, my friend! And Patsy Cline’s “Crazy”……one of my fave oldies ever. The first time I finally got brave enough to enter a gay bar, and was asked to dance by a quite attractive, very tall woman, we danced slow to “Crazy”. It was a first for me, and one I’ll never forget.
    (I hope it’s ok to share that here. If not, just erase. I won’t be offended)

    Your Mom sounds just lovely, too! Thanks for sharing, Kim.
    HUGZ and Kisses
    T

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 29, 2011 at 7:33 pm

      Dear, T.
      You can share Anything you like, my dear.
      Why would I erase something you thought was so beautiful?
      Never.
      I get the shivers when I hear “Crazy.” Still.
      I love it.
      I love my Mommy.
      I love my sister.
      I love my childhood…
      I want it all back.
      And I send you lots of love, too….xxxx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    June 30, 2011 at 2:51 am

    What wonderful and vivid memories Kim. And ending with a lovely photo of the three of you-just too gorgeous for words! xxx

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 30, 2011 at 7:11 am

      ~~Beautiful memories.
      At least I have those to hold onto…
      xxx

  • Reply
    Blond Duck
    June 30, 2011 at 4:40 am

    What wonderful memories you shared! It reminds of the Divine Secrets of YaYa Sisterhood.

  • Reply
    Beryl
    June 30, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Again, in your inimitable way, you have captured a wonderful and blessed childhood, redolent with memories. Enough to nourish a life-time I think. I am so pleased that you have posted that photo of your mom, Kay and you. Now I can put a face to my memories of your mom’s cakes! Give her a hug for me. And one for you of course, Hugs, Beryl

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      June 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm

      Many hugs back to you, Sweet Beryl….
      and one big one from the Goddess 🙂 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    The Flying Chalupa
    June 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I felt like I was in the kitchen dancing with you all. Patsy Cline is the tops, isn’t she? And how lucky you were to have such a fabulous sister – I’m so terribly sorry for your loss.

    Thanks again for stopping by my site and reading my post at Studio Plus!
    Best,
    Chalupa

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 30, 2011 at 3:34 pm

      ~~Such a loss.
      Thank God for blogs, words, Patsy, the Goddess…& distractions 🙂
      xx Thanks for popping by Chalupa.

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    July 1, 2011 at 2:19 am

    What wonderful memories of your mum and sister.

  • Reply
    Psycho (Petite)
    July 1, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Hey Sweet Kim,

    You may wanna check out my latest Blog where I share a totally sinful Oreo Stuffed Choco Chip Cookie recipe!

    Love yah sweetie!
    http://privatelegends.blogspot.com/2011/07/weekend-uppers.html

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      ~~I’m popping over right now Psycho!! xxxx

  • Reply
    Jose Guzman
    July 1, 2011 at 9:03 am

    What a wonderful post!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      July 1, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      Thanks for popping by, Jose 🙂

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