In Memory of Kay

The Anniversary of Your Execution


{Kay, Always Remembered. Never Released. No Love was (IS) Greater}

~One year ago today you were executed.

It’s been A lifetime.

It’s been A micro second.

It’s been shadow layered upon shadow.

You were here and then you were gone.

Suddenly a diamond in the sky.

Suddenly  a luminous candle snuffed out.

A flower ripped from its roots.

We had just talked on the phone.

I had tickets for Sex & The City

“What time does it start?” You asked.

“We have to be there by 7:00”  I said in my big sister voice. “Not 7:30,   7:00!”

“Okaaay, I’ll see you tomorrow.  Love ya.” You said.

Your last sentence.

Only seven words long.

The next day you were   Dead.    Dead.   Dead.

The next day the murderer waited for you like a predator inside your own house.

I visualize him sitting on your beige couch counting the minutes until you got home from work.

       ::::Tick::::Tick:::Tick::::

He hid the gun under your velvet flowered blanket.  The one mom bought at a rummage sale.  The one you begged her for.  You loved how the softness felt on your skin.

I hear him whispering, “Princess, we’re going to be together FOREVER.

But now he is in Hell.

And you are not.

I was mowing the lawn when the universe altered colors.

I was pondering what to make for dinner.

I was alive, complete, carefree.

He moved from the couch…

Slowly.  Always slowly.

Like the boogie man.

Like blackness bleeding.

He placed the metal to your head.

That gorgeous head.

That head I envied and adored for MY ENTIRE LIFE.

Then the son-of-a-bitch killed you.

Killed you.  Killed you.

I was mowing the stupid lawn.

I was thinking about putting chicken on the grill.

I was alive.

After that I prayed the same prayer every. single.  night.

“God, just let me die in my sleep.  Why can’t I just die?  So simple.  The heart stops.  The breathing ceases.  The soul rises.  So simple.”

But I didn’t die.

My heart continued pounding…pounding

Fucking pounding.

I continued waking up to dead suns & dark waters.

I continued living.

Without YOU, my sweet.

Without You.

I never imagined living without You.

So.

Now I pray for purpose.

Meaning in the midst of meaninglessness.

Depth in the midst of nothingness.

I pray for God to use me up.

Use me up until he is done with me.

Use me up until the pounding stops….until His work is finished.

Until everybody knows your story, other women’s stories, the story of our abundant LOVE.

The story of how your beauty & grace & tenderness changed people. 

Changed Me.

Perhaps that is my purpose.

Perhaps that is why I’m left here without You. 

*****

~~~Click our favorite sister film, Beaches & scroll photos.

~~One year ago today, the love of my life was executed by her ex-husband, Mike Peterson.  The Universe tipped.  The clocks stopped.  None of us will ever be the same.~~   We will meet again, my love.

~Read More About Kay Here:   In Memory of Kay 

 ~~~For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Large Pink Glitter Lips - Glitter Lips

~~2 of our favorite songs::: 

I Can Only Imagine (with lyrics) – MercyMe  (this was played at Kay’s funeral) 

Lady Antebellum – Need You Now


Subscribe To My Inner Chick

Never miss an update!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

You Might Also Like

62 Comments

  • Reply
    Margaret Mckenzie
    May 26, 2011 at 7:05 am

    I woke up this morning and my first thought was the peterson family!!! Beautiful words for such an amazing person! Prayers are with you and your family! Maggie

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 7:44 am

      Dear, Maggie,
      thank you.
      We need the prayers.
      I feel them arriving at my house today xx

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    May 26, 2011 at 7:09 am

    I am just so brokenhearted for you and your loved ones. I will never forget your email to me a year ago about Kay’s murder. this time of the year will always be about remembering Kay and sending you love and hugs. thinking about you and I know we will talk soon. xoxoxo elizabeth

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 7:45 am

      My Elizabeth,
      for one entire year, you have been a listening ear,
      a comfort, and my dear friend during these dark hours.
      you will never know how appreiated and loved you are.
      xxxx

  • Reply
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson
    May 26, 2011 at 7:22 am

    This will be a difficult day for you. For all of you. I know we have only just met, but please know that I think you are one tough cookie. Today is a day for remembering and honoring your sister’s memory. Remember, it’s okay to cry. But remember some funny stuff, too. Because I’m guessing you guys did some seriously funny stuff. I mean, if you were going to Sex & The City, you guys did lots of fun shizz together.

    Be gentle with yourself, Kim. Be angry. Be mad. Be sad. But laugh a little, too. Wouldn’t your sister be pissed at you if you didn’t laugh a little. Sending you cyber hugs.

    xoxoRASJ

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 7:47 am

      Dear, Renee,
      I feel the cyber hugs.
      They are warm & fuzzy.
      ~~thank you for your lovely words, Renee. xxXX

  • Reply
    Kelly
    May 26, 2011 at 7:32 am

    Last night I stopped and got two Shiny pink balloons one for Kay and one for you. I got up this morning and looked into the gorgeous wonderful sun and smiled as I let them both go at the same time. I know in my heart that Kay watched me and was happy you both got to travel together. The only message I attached, was “Kay, Thank you for sharing your sister.” Sappy as it sounds, it made me happy!!!! Thinking of you and Kay today and everyday!!! Love Love Love!!!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 7:48 am

      ~~~Kelly,
      Oooooooooh, I can see the brilliant balloons…
      Rising…Rising…Rising.
      One day I will rise up to be with Kay again.
      love love love U. xx
      I loooooooooooooove that you did that.

  • Reply
    mercy
    May 26, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Love you. Am remembering you today.

    Mercy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Love you MORE> xxx

  • Reply
    Tara
    May 26, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Wow, she could’ve totally been a model. So beautiful.

    Most of our life goes by in a daze. Nothing really remarkable ever happens. But there are those moments in time that stick with you forever, when you recognize your life completely changing directions. That’s what happened one year ago today. Life threw a huge bomb at you – at your existence – and you’re now left cleaning up the damage.

    But you’ve done Kay an incredible honor, Kim. She’s alive now more than ever, because you’ve kept her alive. Rather than be silent, you’ve raised awareness about domestic violence in her name. Your words made us – many of whom have never met you or Kay – love her, and all because of your love for her. They made us love you.

    May 26 will always be a date that stands out…a sore on your brain, if you will. Just know that you have an army of people who love you, and we will be there for you. We will walk beside you on the journey of life without Kay. One step at a time is the best – and only – way.

    Love you, lady!
    Tara

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 7:51 am

      Tara,
      One Entire Year…
      and you have not forgotten me or Kay!
      Your words have moved me & comforted my family.
      you are beautiful. so very beautiful.
      Kay will be alive Forever.
      We will all meet in Heaven soon.
      xxx Love love love
      Kiss kiss kiss.
      and in deep appreciation for your wisdom.
      PS. Kay was a model.

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    May 26, 2011 at 7:56 am

    I’m wiping away the tears here. I feel for you.. .It is hard, but you are tough. And we all treasure her as we see her through your eyes of love.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 8:47 am

      Dear, Lady Fi,
      yes, thru my eyes & voice…
      My angel will live Forever on earth.
      xxX

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    May 26, 2011 at 8:15 am

    I thought about you late last night, knowing today was coming and wishing I could reach through this damned computer and give you a hug. Today’s post is the most beautiful tribute you’ve given your sister yet, and I’m so very proud of you. Gosh, I’ve never even met you but my stomach is in knots from caring so much.
    My wish for you is to continue healing. You honor your sister by continuing to be the wonderful woman that you are.
    Much love coming from Vegas.
    Terri
    xoxo’s

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 8:48 am

      Dear, Terri.
      Your heart is gigantic.
      I feel it beating in Minnesota.
      Serious.
      And I love your words and kindness.
      I just love them.
      xxx Love to you in Vegas.

  • Reply
    Sandy Webb
    May 26, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Kim –

    While I know we only recently met virtually my heart goes out to you and your family today on your sadiversary. You post today was a wonderful tribute to your sister and I am sure she is watching over you. Much love and hugs to you today as you remember all the fun and wonderful things about your sister.

    Sandy

    xoxo

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 8:53 am

      “Sadiversary”
      Yes, that is the perfect word, Sandy.
      I know you understand how deep the pain goes.
      Perhaps we can comfort one another on the new
      journeys we never wanted.
      xx Kiss from Mn.

  • Reply
    Alison@Mama Wants This
    May 26, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Oh Kim, my heart hurts for you and your beautiful sister. Thinking of you today, and sending you love and light. *HUGS*

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 8:49 am

      Alison,
      I feel the warmth of your hugs.
      And I send them back to you where-every you are.xxxxOOO

  • Reply
    Tia
    May 26, 2011 at 8:51 am

    I love you and Kay so much. It is hard to believe that it has been a year. It seems like it was yesterday we were laughing, sharing secrets, and talking about our future together. Now the world is less without Kay, but one day the three of us will be together again, loving each other.

    Love you always,
    Tia

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 8:55 am

      ~~We will be telling secrets in heaven.
      We will all be together again. This is what
      gives my the greatest comfort. In my last breath…
      I shall say: “I’m coming to see you, My Sweet!”
      I love you, Tia.
      What would we have done without each other? What? What?

  • Reply
    adrianairis
    May 26, 2011 at 9:27 am

    don’t try to make sense of it. its useless. it will never make sense because is just not the way things should have been. what does make sense is the love you are now surrounded by…the new purpose that you now have in life. what makes sense is that now you shine a light to a subject that was dark and a story that need it to be told. you are an angel because she and you walk among them. all my love.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      ~~Adriana,
      Yes, Love love love.
      What else is there? How can one survive without it?
      You are an Angel that walks among us, as well.
      Your words move me.
      Your pictures inspire me.
      I love the photo of your brother.
      SO lovely.
      Kisses blown your way. xxxX

  • Reply
    Amy
    May 26, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Oh, darling friend. . .I love you. Leaving the computer now to go sit in silence and meditate on all the love I can send to you and your entire family. xoxo

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 2:06 pm

      Sweet, Amy,
      You have been with me thru it ALL.
      Your words. Your love. Your comments.
      Your understanding. Your Non-Judgement.
      I love you. xxxx I do I do.

  • Reply
    Karen Sosnoski
    May 26, 2011 at 10:02 am

    How could any one not be moved by this sharp account of how your life changed instantly and irrevocably with those gunshots that killed your sister, those simple and real pleasures that you shared with her gone forever? We grieve for you even as we applaud your emerging sense of purpose. Lots of love always and especially on this horrible anniversary–to your family too.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 2:07 pm

      Dear, Karen.

      I will ALWAYS hold you dear & close to my heart…
      even though it is broken in Half.
      xxx Kisses. Hugs. Love.

  • Reply
    Cindy Rourke
    May 26, 2011 at 10:59 am

    I am soooo sorry for the profound loss in your life, Kim!!!!! Thinking of you and your family on this day! Lots of love and hugs to you!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

      Dear, Cindy,
      thanks for helping me during the mourning & grieving & crying.
      You have meant A LOT to me.
      Luv U. xxxx

  • Reply
    Maryellen
    May 26, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Every afternoon, I can still hear Kay’s voice ringing down the trail. Her beautiful sing-song voice yelling, “Chester, Chester, come see me.” Missing that beautiful woman and her presence. Take care, Kim. She is always smiling down on you. Maryellen

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

      ~That Voice! I miss that voice sooooooooooooooo much.
      I remember Kay saying, “KIm, wait for me, I’m petting Chester. Don’t be in such a hurry!!!”
      We all love you Maryellen & of course, Chester the Famous Cat xxxxx

  • Reply
    dad
    May 26, 2011 at 11:07 am

    It’s a sad day for all of us today————– but Kim, you did so much keeping KAY alive thu so
    many things like domestic violence & in KAY’S name. You already have helped so many people.
    LOVE YOU SO MUCH
    DAD

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 2:10 pm

      I love you more than the entire world, My Sweet Daddy.
      My lovely, Daddy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Reply
    Dawn
    May 26, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    I just wanted you to know that I read your post and hear your pain, anger, and grief. And I am here. Sending you so much love and deep honoring of your loss. Thank you for speaking your experience and by example giving us permission to do the same. Deep, deep gratitude for you and your sister.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

      Dear, Dawn,
      Your love is felt right here in Duluth, Minnesota.
      So much love love love.
      Thank You!! xxXXX

  • Reply
    LBDDiaries
    May 26, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    I’m sorry I missed the date – between so many tornados, losing my operating system, therefore every stanking file and program on my computer, then our electricity, grrr. Electricity just came back on a couple of hours ago. You were on my mind that day. I asked God for peace in your heart, soul, spirit.

    And I agree with your dad – you do keep her alive – the very BEST of her – through helping others. I know it’s not the same as having her here but people will know her through you, forever, until we all get to meet her in person.

    I love you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 4:27 pm

      Dear, Nan,
      Yes, We will all meet one day in another world…Paradise, with Our God.
      This is what spurs me forward…forward. To see my angel once again.
      I thank you for your words, your blogs, your inspiration, prayers, and loooooooooooove.
      love love love U.
      xxx

  • Reply
    Ms. Wasteland
    May 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful sister. Thinking of you and your family right now and sending up prayers for you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 5:07 pm

      Ms. Wasteland,
      I feel the prayers in MN.
      Thank you.
      Love love love. xx

  • Reply
    susan
    May 26, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    There was something different in this blog. I am struck by your words, as always, blown away by them, of course… but for some reason today- I am struck more by your sister. Maybe it’s that sisterly competition thing, but she is outdoing you today Kim!

    I can tell by the photos- she was such an “open” person. I never noticed that before, but it’s like I see the openess of her spirit in the pictures today. And funny, and radiant and warm and gentle and always beautiful.

    What a wonderful sister you are. I KNOW she is loving you and missing you and cheering you on, like we all are !! Hugs to you! I salute Kay with my big ole glass of wine. I salute you for carrying the message forward. You are a fierce one, my friend! xxoo

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 26, 2011 at 8:04 pm

      Sweet, Susan,
      love your comment.
      I can hear Kay giggling at your sweet words about competition.
      You R Special & Beautiful. XXxx

  • Reply
    Joan
    May 26, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    I’m thinking of you all today. This was a hard day for all of you, I know. Tomorrow you will wake up and still feel the pain and the sorrow and the anger but you will have made it past the one year anniversary and you will continue your great writing and your good work to end domestic abuse and domestic violence.

  • Reply
    Cheryl`Lewis
    May 26, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    I love you, Kim.

  • Reply
    Lorraine Not Quite Nigella
    May 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    Kim, your poem beautifully puts something heinous like this Into perspective. Lives are forever altered and will never be the same again. I’m certain your blog and how you write so honestly about Kay helps so many others that are going through similar situations. Even in grief you are giving and generous xxx

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 27, 2011 at 5:33 am

      Dear, Lorraine,
      Never the same..
      I am now half.
      You don’t realize, but you have helped all the
      way from Australia 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    May 26, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    Kim, there are no words I can give you to make you feel less pain that what you are feeling – I wish there were, it would make it so much easier.
    I will hold you and your family utmost in my thoughts and prayers and send guardian angels to watch over you all.
    Much love,
    🙂 Mandy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 27, 2011 at 5:35 am

      Dear, Mandy,
      I can feel you holding my family
      up in prayer.
      Yesterday we went to the cemetery and brought plants, flower, &
      Love Love Love.
      We cried for our GREAT loss.
      I think I shall cry my entire life.
      xxx Kisses for you, Mandy, for your lovely words.

  • Reply
    Helen
    May 27, 2011 at 8:13 am

    I feel so deeply and strongly for your entire family. It is incredible what you have done to keep the spirit of everything Kay was alive, and helping so much to help others like her. Thank you so much for all that. And thank you for your writings. Every one brings me to tears, but also makes me smile at memories of her. I was not able to participate in her walk/run, hopefully next year will be a different story. May softness and love embrace and surround your family today……and every day….

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 27, 2011 at 9:23 am

      Dear, Helen,
      I thank you for your comments & embraces during our dark days.
      The walk was amazing & POWERFUL.
      I know you were there in spirit.
      Much Love,
      K.

  • Reply
    brenda
    May 27, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Kim – this is a beautiful memorial, a wall of love. Hugs to you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 27, 2011 at 9:37 am

      ~~~~Brenda,
      Love love love…
      this is what is left.
      Warm hugs back to you.
      xxx K.

  • Reply
    Angie
    May 27, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Right there missing her with you. I still can’t believe that this happened to her. Anyone, but her. Kay would do anything for anyone and she was a ray of sunshine to everyone that she met. (((Big Hugs))) to you and her boys and the family.

    Angie

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 27, 2011 at 7:38 pm

      Angie,
      Big Hugs Back.
      Kay will always be remembered & never released from our family.
      She Is missed so very much.
      XXxx

  • Reply
    Tracie
    May 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending love and prayers for your family.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

      Tracie,
      thank you.
      I feel the prayers coming to MN.
      xxxxx

  • Reply
    Beryl
    May 28, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Those seven words, the last I ever heard as well. They reverberate and pass like an electric charge between us. And oh Kay. That first anniversary. A dreadful ache. We had a ceremony here at her grave with the children placing flowers and us reading a prayer based on memories, then the children ran ahead of us ringing bells and celebrating our beautiful girl’s presence in our lives. Kay is alive and with you

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    May 28, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    ~~Oh, Beryll,
    you have been a blessing in my world.
    The electric charge…yes, that describes it beautifully.
    The ringing…ringing. This is lovely. This is like God calling.
    I hear the ringing like a prayer.
    DId you read my last blog…you are in it! 🙂
    xxx

  • Reply
    Suniverse
    June 7, 2011 at 10:31 am

    I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

    Your sister was an amazing woman. So are you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      June 7, 2011 at 2:32 pm

      Dear, Suniverse,
      Yes, She was AMAZING. So damn amazing.
      The world is less without her.
      Thank you for so much for reading 🙂

    Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge