In Memory of Kay

Stink. Stank. Stunk.


 (for my daddy whom inpires me, loves me, & accepts me as i am )  I love you moooore than Dove chocolate.)

~~God shall wipe all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4

 

“If you still feel like this in six months, you’ll need additional help, a psychiatric doctor, some sort of  medication.”

Dr. Stink tells me this just after my sister was shot in the head three times,  just after we planned a funeral, just after we picked out a casket.

…just  after darkness fell upon my universe like a dark   dark darkdarkdardblackblackugly  water.

“Six months?” I say,  “Really?” 

“Yeah, I find that most people feel better after about six months.”

Well I’m not most people,  sir  Asshole.

Dr. Stink stares at me with blinky beady eyes that hurt.

“What do you want?” He finally asks.

“My life the way it was.” I say.

“You can’t have that.  You’re sister isn’t coming back.”

OMG, You must be a damn fucking genius.  Hand me the plaque of your PhD so I can thump you over the head with it.

 

“You have to face reality, Kim. The reality is that your sister is GONE.”

I hate you.  I hate youI’d like to strangle you this minute on that  ugly oriental rug.

“Imagine what your sister would want.  Why don’t you write her a letter?”

How many other patients have you  said this to, Asswipe?  Why don’t you just grab your text book on–  “Articulating With A Woman Who Is On The Verge Of Madness?”

 

“One couple came to see me whose son committed suicide.  They had a ceremony and burned the gun he shot himself with in their fire pit.”

What the hell does that have to do with me, my life, my mourning?  Why the hell would I  want to see the gun that made my sister’s heart stop?  Made my heart stopBroke our family into a million little pieces?

 

Dr. Stink, the best way to describe you is:   Stink.  Stank.  Stunk.

He stunk so bad that I still smell his apathy & indifference.

And I already passed the six month marker that Dr. Stink talked about.

It’s now  been 11 months & 21 days since my sister’s ex-husband shot shot shot her 

It’s been an eternity.

It’s been a split second in time.

It’s been triple hell on earth.

But I’m still standing

Still breathing

Still mourning

Six months.  One year.     Five years.     Fifty years.

    Forever.

My Sister was murdered by Mike Peterson on May26, 2010.  When her heart stopped….My heart stopped.

Kay & Saint Shirley (mom)

~Read More About Kay Here:    In Memory of Kay

~~~For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

~~~~~Pre-Register Here for Kay’s Walk For Domestic Violence on Sunday–May 22, 2011: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/events.php

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51 Comments

  • Reply
    Daisy
    May 19, 2011 at 6:31 am

    OMG. I’m SO sorry to hear this happened to you and your family. That doctor sounds like a real heartless, textbook jerk. My heart goes out to you.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      Thanks for responding, Daisy.
      I am so sorry that this happened to my
      family, too.
      SO SO SORRY.
      Dr. Stink Sucks.
      xx Kisses from Mn.

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    May 19, 2011 at 7:04 am

    love you my dear friend and am here for you. xxxx

  • Reply
    Karen
    May 19, 2011 at 7:20 am

    It’s painful to know you’re going through this and yet such a powerful, beautiful telling of your love for your sister. Where does the time limit on grief…six months?!!!!…come from anyway? I’d trust your grief over shallow pronouncements and recommendations any day…

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    May 19, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Six months is too short a time to get over such a great sorrow. Let your heart heal in its own good time…

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 1:59 pm

      You know,
      One thing I’ve realized, Lady Fi…
      is that the missing, longing & loving
      will NEVER end.
      Never.
      And How dare somebody tell me that it will !!! xx

  • Reply
    Charlene
    May 19, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Oh Kim… I’m sure that he thought by being harsh he would slap you into “reality” Bleh. What an ass is right. We all grieve differently and there is no time limit. No limit to the depths of our sadness. We love you Kim. Keep writing and keep loving…

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      Love you, Too, Charlene 🙂 I shall scream my words for all eternity.

  • Reply
    Mercy
    May 19, 2011 at 7:35 am

    There is never the right time to stop grieving. The heart never forgets.

    Live, love, continue…

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:14 pm

      NEVER NEVER NEVER.
      You know better than most, My African Queen. xx

  • Reply
    Sarah
    May 19, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Kim,
    I dont think that six months would be enought time for ANYONE to get over something like this. I know that i could never…….I would have told that Dr exactly what I thought and then some! Who is he to put a time frame on greif? Keep writing, we all love you <3 <3 <3

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      Dear, Sarah,
      Writing is what has partly Saved me from Insanity.
      xxXX Seriously.

      • Reply
        Sarah
        May 20, 2011 at 10:54 am

        I write alot in my journal when i deal with stuff that i feel like i cant talk to anyone about. lol…..it helps….. <3

        • Reply
          Kim Sisto-Robinson
          May 20, 2011 at 7:22 pm

          I agree.
          Writing is like a prayer for only God sometimes… xxx

  • Reply
    Tara
    May 19, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Yeah, I don’t see how stating the obvious is going to help you heal. If that’s his idea of counseling, well heck…I can do it too! It might not be a bad idea to seek other counselors, though. Just because this one obviously stinks doesn’t mean they all do. And considering the massive loss you’ve suffered, a little “extra help” never hurts.

    But yeah, definitely don’t spend any more time or money on this guy.

    The “six months” timeline perplexes me. It’s almost like a “deadline” of sorts for grief. I mean, you can kinda-sorta put a deadline on, say, flesh wounds. “Oh, this scratch should be all healed in a week or so.” But some wounds cut much deeper than flesh, almost into the soul. It feels as though they’ll never stop bleeding either.

    Your wound is deep, Kim, and it’s going to need a lot of time to stop bleeding. Eventually, it’ll start to scab over, and once the scab is gone, you’ll have a fresh scar to remind you always…almost like a “battle wound” from life. How long this healing process will take, no one knows, save God and you. He’s blessed you with a lot of family and friends to support and comfort you, but in the end, it’s all between the two of you.

    Just keep breathing, Kim, and trust that He’s the one helping you do so. He’s with you, even though it feels otherwise. He was with you in Dr. Stink’s office, also rolling His eyes at the stupidity of it all. He knows every beat of your broken heart, He feels it. And He’s the one who – ultimately – will heal it, and use it for some greater good.

    I love you, lady!
    Tara

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:03 pm

      “He knows every beat of your broken heart”
      I like that. I shall hold onto that.
      I am breathing. I am walking.
      But I still don’t feel alive.
      I’m trying.
      Luv U, My Guru 🙂

  • Reply
    Irene
    May 19, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Have you gone to a church and talked to a priest? Maybe he can give you some insight and enlightenment. Therapists can be so cold. It’s not like you can just drop the whole thing and say “Ok, I’m over it, now what?”. You need to talk to someone who has some empathy. Who knows pain.

    I hope these posts help you a little. I can’t imagine your struggle for normalcy. The constant “will I ever feel happy again?”. I think you will.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

      Dear Irene,
      One. Day. At. A. Time.
      This is how I’m trying to live.
      This is how I’m trying to survive.
      Without my belief in God, I would
      have parished 11 months ago.
      XXxx Kisses

  • Reply
    Sunshine in London
    May 19, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Oh my word, kim, I wanted to cry reading how insensitive and lacking in empathy the so-called therapist was with you. Come to London and make an appointment with my husband (he’s a therapist) – he’s bursting with gentleness and empathy and respect and space for you to grieve as you need to. Oh, some people are just not meant to be therapists.
    Sending you hugs and love from London
    Sunshine xx

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:08 pm

      Oh, I shall come see him when I’m in London.
      Can he help a Crazy Woman who cries all the time???!!! One
      who lost the greatest person of her life..her soulmate, her best friend?
      Thanks, Sunshine.

  • Reply
    Kelly
    May 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Dr. Stink Stank Stuck SUCKS!!! What a TOOL!!!! From all your pain comes SO MUCH LOVE!!!!! Love Love Love YOU!!!! I don’t wish I had the power to make you better, I wish I had the power to bring Kay back…. I can’t WAIT to see you on Sunday!!!!!!!

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm

      Dr. Stink SUCKS!
      Sucks Sucks.
      If looks could kill, he’d be dead by now!!
      See you on Sunday 🙂

  • Reply
    Kelly
    May 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    I should have read before I posted… 1st – Dr. Stink Stank “STUNK” SUCKS and 2nd – make you “FEEL” better…. You are already the BEST so I can’t make you any better… (How is that for West Duluth grammar) Sorry… Fingers faster than the brain. <3

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:11 pm

      I didn’t even notice! XXXX Cuz I have west duluth grammar, TOO

  • Reply
    Ma What's For Dinner
    May 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    You are so strong and so brave. You will never get over this, and you shouldn’t. Continue your struggle, continue to be heard…Get a new therapist!!!

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
    http://www.mawhats4dinner.com

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 2:13 pm

      ~~Thank You, Yummy, Mummy,
      You Are SOOO right.
      I will NEVER get over this. NEVER.
      but I will get thru it.
      xxXX Kisses from MN.

  • Reply
    Tia
    May 19, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply
    Taylor Holien
    May 19, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have really enjoyed browsing25 your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

  • Reply
    susan
    May 19, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    It’s almost like bad therapists do more damage than if they just kept their mouthes shut. 🙁 He should be dropped for malpractice.

    After trauma like this ( and I am sorry- don’t mean to trivialize- I know there is no trauma really “like this”) I didn’t think people really got “better” I thought they just learned to live with the pain- like someone who has lost a limb, has to adapt .

    You adapt. Life is forever altered and you can’t just “feel better”. What a jerk…

    On a very small note- I do see something in what he said- although he went about it the complete wrong way… There was some relevance, I suppose. Like the family who burned the gun, I think your writing is your smoking gun. It is your way of honorong your sister, acknowledging the pain. It is spiritual. Your website in Kaye’s honor, is ceremonial- we come here, read your words, and are blessed.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 9:18 pm

      ~~~Susan,
      yes, the words are my POWER, my sanity, my prayer.

      love to U, my sweet, sweet Susan.
      Ps. I shall be thinking of you as you meet all of the girls at the conference:)

  • Reply
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson
    May 19, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    I can’t imagine anyone saying that you’ll feel better in six months.

    I know people whose marriages dissolve and it often takes a year (or longer) for them to stop feeling like lopsided three-legged tables.

    I think you have to be gentle with yourself.

    I think it’s time to start looking for a new therapist.

    Seriously.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm

      ~~~Renee,
      I’ve come to the conclusion that my therapist is the writing, words, poetry, books.
      This has ALWAYS been where I have found God & Peace.
      xxx Kisses

  • Reply
    Mandy - The Complete Cook Book
    May 19, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    I have never understood how a timeline can be placed on someone’s grieving or how it can be categorised – we are all individuals, no two the same so therefore we should be able to grieve in our own individual ways. I think you are remarkable with being able to share so candidly – you are an inspiration to us all.
    Blessings and love to you from across the ocean.
    🙂 Mandy

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 19, 2011 at 10:21 pm

      ~~~Ohhh, Mandy,
      I don’t feel like an inspiration..
      I feel more like a sobbing, mourning, half person.
      Thank you for your lovely words and blessings from
      across the ocean! XXxx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    May 20, 2011 at 1:02 am

    Six months? Is he mad? I would question whether he needs to see someone! I don’t blame you for disliking him. He sounds like he just doesn’t understand what you are going through at all! 🙁 xxx

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 20, 2011 at 5:49 am

      Sometimes one who has not had tradgedy in one’s life can
      be very indifferent & displeasing.
      Dr. Stink SUCKs rotten eggs.

      XX Kisses from MN. to Austraila.
      PS. loooooooooooooved your interview with that gorgeous chef (baryishnikov) ??

  • Reply
    Dad
    May 20, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Just think Kim, Mr. (STINK) gets payed for telling you this. By the way I love that REV.4 verse.
    Love you more than dark doves
    Daddy

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 20, 2011 at 7:11 pm

      Love love love you more than dark doves & milk chocolate doves xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Amanda
    May 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    That doctor SUCKS! God forbid he ever face such a loss, because unless he is a robot he will find that grief and loss are forever. The pain changes form and shape a million times, but it hurts hurts hurts.

    My mom died, which was a lot more natural an event than what happened to your sister, nearly 8 years ago and it still totally blows.

    6 months? That doesn’t even cover all the “firsts” you go through the first year. What a pud.

    I know we don’t know each other in real life, but I find myself thinking of you often as the first anniversary approaches. I can’t imagine what reliving that day will be like and I wish you strength.

    I’m sorry.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      ~~Dear Amanda,
      we are sisters in grief.
      I shall never ever let my sister go.
      In my last breath, I shall whisperf….. “Kay, I’m finally coming home to hug hug hug you.
      xxxx

  • Reply
    Wild Child Mama
    May 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    You are raw and real. Your humor, sarcasm makes me laugh then think, think, deeply think. That Dr. Sinks. Perhaps he should start reading your blog for a reality check.

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    May 20, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    WIld Mama,
    what a good Idea.
    I shall send SINK my blog…
    and give him a piece of my mind!!!!!!!!!!
    The Asshole.

    xxxxxx

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    May 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    I will never understand so-called therapy and how it’s supposed to help. Especially when you get the therapists with canned statements of fact and heartless rhetoric. What an asswipe is right. I can’t fathom that he even mentioned the kid who committed suicide. That is just unprofessional and borderline cruelty. I hope you have found someone better to talk to, my sweet friend. My heart is with you, I hope you know that.
    Hugs and Kisses,
    T

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 20, 2011 at 10:22 pm

      Dear T,
      Your heart is so huge that I can feel it pumping in MN!
      hope you had fun w/ your kids laughing, eating, & loving one another XXXX

  • Reply
    Life According to Amanda
    May 21, 2011 at 8:57 am

    As someone going into the psychology field, I could not even fathom saying something like that to anyone. There are no hard and fast rules for grieving. You are allowed and expected to grieve and it is healthy. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope that you have found someone else to talk to, someone that understands the grieving process better and understands that your life will be forever changed.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 21, 2011 at 9:14 am

      ~~Amanda,
      I have found that writing is the BEST therapy. It always has been.
      I can bitch about Mr. Stink. & such!
      and of course, family& prayer.
      I will NEVER be the same person I was 11 months ago.
      Thanks for reading. I enjoyed your blog 🙂

  • Reply
    Cindy
    May 21, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    I am thinking about you, Kim! I know this weekend will be overwhelming (in a postitive way!) with all the people that will be there in support of such an awful tragedy! I am so, so, sorry that you and your family are hurting from such a selfish act….. HUGS!!!!!! <3

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