Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night—Edna St. Vincent Millay
~~ I’ve been told lately that I’ve been a bit negative during the past 11 months.
A bit dreary, dark, dim.
A bit “ just stick your head in the oven Sylvia Plathish.”
A bit snotty & snarky.
A bitch—if you want the whole truth & nothing
but the truth.
I’ve even received an email recently by a stranger who stated:
“Don’t let negativity and hate take any more of you.”
Okay, let me get this strait right off the bat, people—
I DO NOT FEEL HATE.
This is a word I rarely use. (except about my life now)
This is an emotion I do not grasp onto (except about my life now)
My body does not have space for it. My mind will bear it.
Have I forgiven the murderer?
Why are you troubled about that?
How does one forgive something that was nothing?
How does one forgive nothingness, purposelessness, soullessness?
I am sorry for the murderer…..sorry that he never loved, contributed, smiled, or found sunlight.
Yes, I’m fucking sorry sorry sorry.
His Hell is his absence from my sister.
No more stalking, harassing, begging, or venomous language…
No more insidious sneaking around corners, cervices, or standing behind my sister’s back.
No more calculating manipulation or empty words.
NO MORE. NO MORE.
It is finished.
He is gone.
But he took the greatest love of my life with him.
part of my soul
part of my roots
part of my sun.
I would ask you to please allow me a little negativity at this time.
I damn well deserve it.
My sister was Murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010. The Universe Darkened. The Sun slept. My heart shattered.
~Read More About Kay Here: In Memory of Kay
~~~For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/
~~~~~Pre-Register Here for Kay’s Walk For Domestic Violence on Sunday–May 22, 2011: http://www.theduluthmodel.org/events.php