In Memory of Kay

Baking Therapy For The Insane


 {For Saint Shirley….Because you are the Glue-God& the best mother in the entire universe.  Oooh, how I love thee.

 

~~I pay $100.00 an hour for a therapist to tell me this:  “Kim, your sister is not coming back.”

  Brilliant.  I’ll leave you a tip when I leave,  Sir  dumb ass.

I say, “but I want her back.  I waaaant her back. I must have her back.”

He says, “Now, that’s just stinkin’ thinkin’.  She’s not coming back.”

I say, fuck you.  (inside my mind)  because I’m a nice Christian girl.

He says, “Now why don’t you take the  joyful moments you had with your sister and grasp them as if they’re tiny bubbles in the air.” 

He lifts both hands in the air as if grasping  for god knows what.

I scream, “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooou, Quacko!    (inside my mind)

I don’t go back to visit Mr. Stink.

Instead I buy cookbooks.  Many, many cookbooks.   (sorry, Dave.)

I buy non-stick cake pans from Target….

Beautiful cookie sheets  from TJ Max.

I buy sweet butter, chocolate chips, brown sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, almond extract, & ginger.

I come to the conclusion that when a girl is pouring & stirring & kneading ….. she suddenly stops sobbing, lamenting, and mourning for a while.

She stops thinking for a while.

She bakes.  

She discovers recipes from her childhood.

She drives to Saint Shirley’s on Saturdays’ to create double batches of chocolate chip cookies, lemon bars, and cinnamon rolls.

They talk about Kay.

They always talk about Kay.

Sweet sugar and cinnamon fill the small kitchen…

Like childhood.

Like love.

Like something missing.

    Always missing.

Always.  Always.  Forever Missing.

My sister was murdered by Mike Peterson on May 26, 2010.  I shall carry your heart inside my heart always forever… until we meet again, my sweet Angel.

~Read More About Kay Here:    In Memory of Kay

~~~For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

click here NOW : http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

~~~~~Pre-Register Here for Kay’s Walk For Domestic Violence on Sunday–May 22, 2011:   http://www.theduluthmodel.org/events.php

Large Pink Glitter Lips - Glitter Lips

  


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43 Comments

  • Reply
    Barbara Barth
    May 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Kim – I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. It could be my favorite of yours. Thinking of you and smiling at this dear sweet post. barbara

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm

      ~~Sweet, Barbara,
      i smile when i think of you smiling :)xxxx

  • Reply
    Barbara Barth
    May 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    PS – forgot my photo is of Miss Foxy, who had to leave me yesterday. I still have my five dogs, but she was the pup I got with hubby and now both are gone. It stinks. Maybe I’ll bake. Hugs.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

      Oh, soooooo sorry about Miss Foxy.
      Shall I send you a recipe? xxXX

  • Reply
    ginger
    May 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Kim, Ioooove what you say in your head. I also love cinnamon rolls. And you. When is the walk? Did I miss it?

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

      ~~~Ginger,
      The walk is May 22….The domestic violence chapter in Duluth had T-Shirts made up
      with Kay’s real Pink Lips.
      I found them blotted on a napkin inside her Bible.
      I shall send you some of my mom’s cinnamon rolls. xxx

  • Reply
    Tia
    May 6, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    May 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Love you, Tooooooo. xxx

  • Reply
    Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella
    May 7, 2011 at 1:15 am

    Kim, I have no doubt Kay is there stirring, beating and baking with you. And she’s perhaps telling off your therapist too! 😛 xxx

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 5:15 am

      ~Lorraine,
      One day soon,
      Kay & I will be baking together again…
      …her famous Chocolate Chip Cookies.
      How Glorious that will be.
      xxXX

  • Reply
    Tara
    May 7, 2011 at 6:14 am

    What a lousy therapist.

    Kim, just do what you feel is right. If it’s baking, then bake your fingers away my dear! Cry, shop, scream, hang out with friends, cry some more, take a walk…anything’s better than paying $100 for someone to tell you the obvious. They say “the only way out is through,” and while you’ll never fully be “out” of your sorrow over Kay, only you know how to best get through your grief.

    One day, one breath, at a time.

    Love you,
    Tara

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 7:58 am

      ~~Tara,
      Yes!
      ~~~ One. Breath. At. Time.
      That is what I’m trying to do!xxx Luv to U.

  • Reply
    bluecottonmemory
    May 7, 2011 at 7:27 am

    I am so sorry. That would make me mad – like, duh, I know that. I hate it when people state the absolute obvious! It is so condescending. Do you volunteer? Connect with others who are either a) experiencing domestic violence or b) living with the loss of domestic violence? Do you have an outlet to share that awesome sister-love within you? ‘Cause you have a lifetime left of that kind of love within you – and there are so many people who need to experience it!

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 8:02 am

      Dear Blue Cotton,
      ~~my entire life has changed…transformed…been turned upside down.
      I am helping w/ Kay’s walk for Domestic Violence on May 22 &
      her murder is the reason I started this blog.
      Who woud have thought that her face would be on all of the posters & buttons?
      No love was greater.
      XXxx Kisses

  • Reply
    Theresa Sonoda
    May 7, 2011 at 8:28 am

    You know what I love about you Kim? (besides your amazing writing, that is). Well, it’s the fact that you know yourself. You know enough about yourself to write when you are hurting or missing your sister. You know to bake because it makes you happy.
    I’m just happy to be getting to know you. What a special lady you are!

    Terri

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 8:57 am

      Dear Terri,
      Guess what?
      I feel the same way about You! 🙂

  • Reply
    Eva Gallant
    May 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I’m so sorry you lost your sister in such a terrible manner. Hugs.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 8:58 am

      ~~And Hugs back, Eva. xx

  • Reply
    Lady Fi
    May 7, 2011 at 8:39 am

    We all have to mourn in our own way.. baking seems a pretty good therapy to me!

  • Reply
    Kim Sisto-Robinson
    May 7, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Dear Lady Fi,
    I shall send you some chocolate chip cookies for
    payment for your lovely photos 🙂

  • Reply
    Dad
    May 7, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Kim, For about stinking thinking, it stinks. I loved your caramel cake, nothing better.
    Love You Love You
    Daddy

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 9:15 am

      Stinks Stinks Stinks!
      That’s what I have to say about the situation.
      Guess what I’m bringing over tomorrow?
      Yes.
      Caramel Cake, Daddy!!!!!!!!!
      I am making double the caramel.
      Love you mooooooooooooooore than the world.

  • Reply
    Heavenly Housewife
    May 7, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    You are so right! When I am stressed/upset about something, the best thing to do is to be productive in some kind of way. For a second you can forget your problems, and if you are really lucky, you can also feel kind of accomplished.
    That therapist sounded like a total jerk.
    *kisses* HH

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 12:58 pm

      Heavenly Housewife,
      Baking, Poetry, Family & God.
      Or seriously, I would have gone insane by now.
      XX Kisses back to you.

  • Reply
    Irene
    May 7, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Screw the therapist! Tell him to grasp THIS!

    AN-Y-WAY……

    If cooking helps, then cook!

    Everybody deals with death in different ways. Love the recipes!

    Is there a correlation between what your feeling and what recipes you choose to bake/cook?

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      Grasp this, Biaaach!
      An-Y-How…
      You crack me up, sassy girl.
      About the baking—I like baking stuff that my sister & I had in childhood,
      Like Chocolate Chip Cookies & Cinn Rolls.
      Mostly, It’s about being with my mommy 🙂
      xxx Kisses for Irene.

  • Reply
    Helene Abbott
    May 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Kim,
    You are TOO cool, great post! However, you always make me sooo hungry. That Sisto family and their goodies. If baking is therapy, then let it rip! $100. to a therapist really isn’t the answer, you are smarter and” been there done that”, far more than he has. You could teach the therapists a thing or two.
    Take care and Happy Mom’s day to you and dear Shirley… Sissy (Helene)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 7, 2011 at 5:14 pm

      Happy Mom’s Day to you, too, Sissy.
      I shall have to send U some Caramel Cake.
      It actually Turned OUT!
      We will be going to the Sistos for Pasta & Cake.
      …but it is never the same without Kay.
      Love love love.
      xx

  • Reply
    Nina C.
    May 8, 2011 at 5:56 am

    found you through the Lady bloggers tea party and loved this post! I’m following you on twitter. I do not back much but I love how cooking calms my nerves. For so long I stayed away from it and now I can not get enough of it!

    If your a mommy Happy Mother’s day- if your not a mother than happy Mother’s Day to your mom lol

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 8, 2011 at 6:48 am

      Thanks for stopping by, Nina. xx

  • Reply
    Brenda
    May 8, 2011 at 9:11 am

    This is a wonder post, Kim. I see the energy here, your humor and strength are bubbling to the surface. Keep going, woman. Have a wonderful Mom’ Day. Hugs.

    Brenda

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 8, 2011 at 10:38 am

      Brenda,
      You have a good Mum’s day, too.
      Thanks for reading my bitching & lamenting.
      I do believe I’ve transfomed into Sylvia Plath.
      XX
      Kisses

  • Reply
    Kelly
    May 9, 2011 at 11:30 am

    My Kim,
    You are so right that you are helping!!!! While trying to heal your pain you have helped ME so much and you don’t even know me!!! How you look up to Kay is how I look up to you!!!! Your wisdom, your faith (Which STILL AMAZES me) your LOVE is MIND BOGGELING!!!!
    I know you are a Christian and I apologize but… FUCK your Therapist!!!! Often the truth can be very painful, but a good therapist will be honest with you without being harmful towards you. I think that if you feel that the Truth is used as a weapon it isn’t healing truth, it is abuse. Trust me!!!! I LOVE my Psychiatrist!!! He knows there will NEVER be a dull moment with my sessions and I KNOW he looks forward to seeing me… HA HA HA!!! I think I had him when I asked why I was the one who had to take the drugs to fit into “Their” world. Who decided I was the strange one??? Maybe it was everybody ELSE that should take the medicine to come UP to my level!! LOL!!
    Sometimes his simplest suggestions make an amazing breakthrough. ONE of my “issues” is am a Pack Rat, I guess now they call it “Hoarding”. Either word doesn’t help your self esteem. I prefer “Treasure Collector”. To help me quit making piles and piles all he said to me was, “OHIHO” (pronounced like Ohio), Only Hold In Hand Once, and What a BREAKTHROUGH!!!! Am I fixed, hell no there are times I am walking around juggling things like a circus clown because I can’t put it down until I put it in the right spot… BUT I am BETTER and I make an effort just by consciously thinking about it. I guess what I am trying to say is I TOTALLY know this is NOTHING what you are going through and my problems are just my bodies chemical imbalance not UNIMAGINIBALE TRAUMA but my therapist has helped me focus on my strengths and helps me learn to use my strengths when facing my weaknesses. My STRENGTHS don’t need fixing, they are already working. I think if it is working do more of it. If it isn’t working, try something else, but if it is already working, there is no reason to change it!! And you MY dear Angel have helped me with my weaknesses!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!
    (I tend to ramble and I write like I tal…., without taking a breath :o)

    LOVE LOVE LOVE
    Kelly

    • Reply
      Kelly
      May 9, 2011 at 11:47 am

      Oh yeah…. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU at the WALK!!!!
      :o)

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm

      Kelly,
      “my therapist has helped me focus on my strengths and helps me learn to use my strengths when facing my weaknesses.”
      That is a powerful sentence. I like that.
      You know what else: I never used “Fuck” before this murder…now I use it cuz it Fits Fits Fits.
      I am always interested in your rambling 🙂
      Love love love.
      PS. oh, we finally get to meet! I shall hug you.

  • Reply
    Ma What's For Dinner
    May 9, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Uh, WOW!!! So well written and funny and heartbreaking all in one. I can smell those cinnamon rolls and I’m thinking of you! Kay was beautiful and lucky to have a sister like you.

    Big hugs!

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner
    http://www.mawhats4dinner.com

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      May 9, 2011 at 2:49 pm

      ~~~Dear Ma,
      Thanks for reading my lamenting & mourning & crying…
      that’s what I seem to do these days.
      ~~Be expecting a visit from me on your cool site 🙂 xx

  • Reply
    Pat B
    May 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Kim, I laughed out loud reading your words to your therapist (in your head). That is exactly what I would have been thinking, too, and honestly, it’s like a little miracle (and a tribute to your writing) that we can share a laugh when the heart is grieving so. I am looking forward to the walk in honor of your beautiful sister.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 9, 2011 at 2:46 pm

      ~~~Pat,
      I look forward to seeing you at the walk.
      with love,
      Kim xx

  • Reply
    Sue R
    May 11, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Kim,
    I’m so glad you have baking as an outlet for your grief. I can so relate as I looooove to bake as well. There is something so comforting and healing with creating something sweet.
    See you at the walk………….

    love,
    Sue

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

      ~~~~~~~~~Sue,
      Yes, it is healing in a weird sort of way,
      I am so glad you will be coming to the walk,
      See you there. xxxXX

  • Reply
    Renee Schuls-Jacobson
    May 15, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I love this piece of writing.

    It is funny and heart-breaking.

    Sweet and bitter.

    The darkest chocolate.

    Thank you for sharing.

    PS: Sucky shrinks suck. 😉

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      May 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

      ~~~Dear , Renee,

      you are too funny.

      Sucky Shrinks Suck.

      The darkenst Chooooooooocolate

      Yes, U R a girl after my own heart. xxxx

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