In Memory of Kay

Valley of the Shadow of Death


 

~~~~8 months and 2 weeks ago, my sister was murdered by her ex-husband.  Our lives will Never be the same.      My dear,  I carry your heart inside my heart.  Always.  Forever.

—When people think of angels, they think flowing robes and halos. But in the Bible, they also look like ordinary people.   Why not today?  ——Joan W.  Anderson,  In The Arms of Angels

 

{This blog is dedicated to my angels who have taken me under their wings & given me warmth.    Especially, Tia}  

~~We never know who our angels will be as we walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

We cannot comprehend who will love us unconditionally in the midst of unfathomable, unimaginable pain.

      How could we know?      How could we possibly know?

…Unless our lives fall apart,  unless our hearts bleed out, unless our sun has died, unless the best part of who we were is murdered, murdered, murdered.

How could we predict those angels (who we’d least expect)  who instantaneously fluff their wings and fly to our rescue? 

    I have encountered those angels…

Those heavenly beings who  have wrapped their soft, self-sacrificing feathers around my mind, body, and soul.

You know who you are…

    Don’t you?

 You have read my  dark words, my Platholian verse, my mourning diaries.

You have given  me poetry, journals, books, cards, calls,  leopard shoes, Merlot, lunches on the North Shore,  and my dear Kim  has even stuck spiders up her nose to make me laugh.

You have listened to me when  I  lament, scream, yell,  and unexpectedly, suddenly, and without warning ….

Shout  FUCK!     ( a new word for me)   Seriously.

You have not judged me during my darkest days, during my sorrowful days, during my unending days.

I want to thank you.

 I want to take this opportunity to declare my love for you.

… to express my gratitude to those women whom I’ve never met that comment on my blogs ….

      every.    single.     time.

articulating  stuff like,   “I’m with you, Sister.  I get what you’re saying.  Take your time mourning.   Cry.  Cry.  Cry.     I love you.”

 And Amy, who understands completely, utterly, unmistakably that I’m on the verge of insanity because she’s walked through the darkness, too.

To Elizabeth (whom I never met face to face,  yet already love)  who calls from  New York two times a month. 

To  Sweet Susan from South Carolina who just  sent me Valentine decorations for Kay’s tree at Oneonta Cemetery.

All of you.

   Too  many to name.

        So many I already adore.

  I want you to know that I am still walking through the valley.

       Slowly.       Slowly.  

Some  days—I can’t put one foot in front of the other.

    But knowing you are there  makes a difference. 

   Knowing you are there… leads  me beside the still waters.

    Love.   Love.  Love. lips animationAlways.  Forever.

       Kim

For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

click here NOW >http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/


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31 Comments

  • Reply
    Hello Ladies
    February 12, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Kim you are surrounded by angels because YOU are an angel.

  • Reply
    Debbie
    February 12, 2011 at 9:03 pm

    Take as long as you want? It will be forever,but hopefully together we can make Kay smile
    down upon us or even laugh at us. I love you so very very much.

    LOVE FOREVER!!!
    DEBBIE
    XOXO

    P.S. I left that book” A Grace Disguised” at your parents.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 8:25 am

      Love you forever. always. always. You have Never left me, Debbie. Never. xx

  • Reply
    LBDDiaries
    February 13, 2011 at 12:58 am

    I think it is amazing how you’ve managed to channel your grief into helping others and I agree – SCREAM all you want at the injustice of it all. SCREAM at the pain and loss – and remember how she loved you and would want you to heal – and share her with us when you can. Healing is individual and know you are loved and prayed for.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 8:26 am

      And now I have LB Diaries as a distraction from my pity parties. I love your blogs!! Thank You, Nan. xx

  • Reply
    Mercy
    February 13, 2011 at 2:05 am

    Love you my bestest friend. Just continue…
    To mourn, to love, to remember, and to live.

    Mercy

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 8:27 am

      No, you are my bestest friend & the greatest writer I know. I send kiss to Kenya from America, sweets. xxx

  • Reply
    Tara
    February 13, 2011 at 4:57 am

    They say God does the majority of His work through other people, and it sounds like He’s certainly surrounded you with more than enough strength and comfort. I love you too, Kim. Cry and scream FUCK! all you want…I ain’t goin’ nowhere!

    Love,
    Tara

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 8:27 am

      Tara, U have never left me in the midst of my darkest hours. I luv U xxx

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    February 13, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Dear Kim,
    What an honor it is to be mentioned in your blog. I would call everyday but then we would never get anything done.:-)
    Like Our buddy Tara said – we ain;t going anywhere and I am so thankful to be part of your life. And when we meet the merlot, tears and laughs will flow.
    xxx
    elizabeth

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 10:37 am

      Elizabeth, God sent me you.

      He is soooo smart. Luv U. xxx

      PS. One day: Merlot, Tears, & a few Laughs.

  • Reply
    susan boswell
    February 13, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Oh Kim, we are all there for you like you are there for so many of us and others. Even now, when you don’t think you’re “there”, when you probably don’t want to be “there”, you are… you ARE. You get up and try to live… Your blog is reaching out, you never know whose life your pain might save. We are awed to know you and know the depths of love you feel for Kay. May we all be so lucky to know that kind of love in our lifetime. The decorations look beautiful. Thank you for the photo. Sending hugs . xx’s and oo’s Susan

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    February 13, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    ~~~Dear, Susan,

    I thank you for the beautiful decorations.
    Kay luvs them…
    You are soooooo special & kind.

    ~~Yes, another one of my Angels. xxx

  • Reply
    Dad
    February 13, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Kim, the picture is beatiful ———— I know my life will not ever be the same either. Some days are better than
    others. It’s so nice to read all those comments, it seems like i’m getting to know some of those angels
    who write them. I think you are helping them as much as they are helping you.

    Love You So Much

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 6:53 pm

      I love you more than U will ever know, daddy. More. More. More.

      • Reply
        susan boswell
        February 14, 2011 at 7:58 pm

        I want to meet your mom and dad sometime, too. Ya’ll need to come to North Carolina… Does anyone there say “ya’ll”??? Kim, don’t say I am from “South” Carolina. We consider that an insult.
        (I am giving you a hard time…) LOL

        S
        PS I adore the picture of Kay in the shawl. What a spirit she has.

        • Reply
          kim sisto robinson
          February 15, 2011 at 5:47 am

          oh, susan,

          I am sorry about the SC thing…. !!!!

          Yes, we shall meet sometime, I pray…

          Kay and I went to the prom together …

          we both wore a shawl like that! 🙂

  • Reply
    Amy
    February 13, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I am humbled by the mention and on today of all days, your pain brought tears to my eyes, but your loving words brought some warmth to my heart. You are so easy to love, Kim, and we all love you dearly. (Hugs hugs hugs)

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 13, 2011 at 6:54 pm

      Sweewt, Amy,

      I feel your feathery wings against my cheeks.

      Luv U.

  • Reply
    Tweets that mention Valley of the Shadow of Death :: My Inner Chick -- Topsy.com
    February 14, 2011 at 7:27 am

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Charlene Ross, krrobi. krrobi said: RT @krrobi Valley of the Shadow of Death http://bit.ly/g6hog0 #Domestic #Violence #girlfriends #God #Kay #Sisto […]

  • Reply
    Alina
    February 14, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I love Kays site! It’s beautiful and so festive! I absolutly love it!!!

  • Reply
    Cheryl Lewis
    February 14, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Kim, today is the day for love, but you have always been so very good at sharing it each and EVERY day. I’ve always admired that about you. And I totally feel it in your family. You have surrounded us with the ones you love, including Kay, and shared their gift for loving in a way that makes us feel part of your world – and theirs. Your loss became our loss. When you grieve, we grieve. Someday, I feel very, very certain that your renewed joy will be ours, too. Until then, there is Love. Lean on it, babygirl. We’re not going anywhere & neither is He.

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 14, 2011 at 11:10 am

      Cheryl,

      ~~Have I told you lately that I loooooooooooooooove U? xxx

  • Reply
    Helen
    February 15, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    My heart and spirit will trudge through the valley with you. I know sometimes it feels like you are trudging under water. Just keep moving forward………..A big hug to you………

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 16, 2011 at 10:47 am

      ~Helen,

      i thank you for walking through the valley with me…

      yes, sometimes i sink into a dark water…in fact, several times….
      but then i go on living.

      ….there are really no other options.

      Thus, that is the harest part…to go on living.

      Hug back to you. xx

  • Reply
    Tia
    February 16, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Kim your my angel too. I love you!!!

    Tia

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    February 17, 2011 at 6:41 am

    ~~~Not as much as you are my angel xxxxx
    ya know what I mean?? luv UUUUUUU

  • Reply
    Kim Gagnon
    February 18, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Kimmer!
    I still have that spider, he’s around here somewhere. The things you do for love!!! It was worth the smile & laughter from you!.. A great pee pantsing laugh is good for the soul! I love what you write & people’s responses & I totally agree. I have been blessed by knowing your family most of my life, I just love your parents. MANY good memorieS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Beautiful picture of Valentines surrounding Kay’s angelic face.
    Have a peaceful journey with Dave & Obama. You are Obama’s angel. Can’t wait to hear about it!.
    I am know hooked on Etta James!!! Talk to you soon!!!!!!!!!! Love you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply
    kim sisto robinson
    February 18, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    ~~Kim,

    I shall never forget about that spider up you nose & your love and compassion for me.
    I shall never forget you listening to my pity parties & sobbing & cursing.
    I shall never forget your caring soul.

    love love love, xxxxxxxxxxx
    Me.

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