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Tyra Banks Can Kiss My Big Fat Ass


 (A Rant…Watch Out!)pink lips  

~~~~I C-C-Cringe. 

 I get flip-floppy somersaults performing in the pit of my tummy.  I get a slow, steady hot flash. And then I blow, baby….

This is what Tyra Banks does to me, or should I say Ms. Fricking Know it All, or should I say Ms. Oprah Wannabe, or should I say Ms. Narcissist with a head the size of a Montana?

First of all she’s screaming “Kiss my big fat ass!!”   But that was only for your benefit, wasn’t it, Ms. Banks?  I mean cuz now you’ve lost that big fat ass and you’re walking around like a skinny bitch with an attitude.  I guess you didn’t really like the curves, did ya? 

So the other night I’m watching her show for the lone reason that she has my girl on, Blythe Beck; they’re talking about food and how wonderful Tyra is, and Blythe is sort of gaga eyed saying stuff like how lucky Tyra is to possess all of those wonderful qualities, and rather than focusing on Blythe (whom is taking over the world culinary sector and is her Guest, after all)  Banks says, “Oh, and don’t forget that I have my own talk show!”   All the while she’s stuffing her face with the ribs that Blythe so graciously brought her.

             And  I am drowning in the sugary superficially and sticky barbecue sauce.

I’m thinking, “You’re in the wrong chair, Sister.  Blythe should be in your chair.  You’re an embarrassment. You’re like one of those chicks in high school that all of the girls hung out with, but secretly couldn’t stomach.  Like one of the Mean Cheerleader Chicks that thought she could bat her eyelashes and get anything she wanted out of life because she was pretty.

Before a taping of her show recently a source tells the publication:

~ “You could hear her going on and on because she was standing right behind the stage curtain. She’s talking and talking. Meanwhile, you have the entire audience waiting almost two hours for the taping to start.”

“She leaves us waiting, and everyone is sitting there complaining, and then she comes out and doesn’t say a word about it. She didn’t even say hello, she got right into her script. She acted so cold towards everyone. She’s a phony. She had the audience prance down the street and then release black balloons. –Celebrity News

Tyra Banks pics

Kind of reminds me of “The Office.”  You know, where the cameras are filming all the time and the characters know it, so they act all phony and counterfeit, and annoying as hell.  Banks has no substance or softness…. sort of like running your fingers over a cat in the wrong direction. And I’m wondering why American women are so transfixed on her inarticulate words, which she gives us ceaselessly in large doses.

               Emptiness.    Substanceless.   Black Balloons floating in air…

I. Do. Not. Identify with this woman. 

 I already met her  back in high school and I couldn’t stand her

….Oh, and one more thing, Ms. Banks—

You ARE NOT, or never shall be—an Oprah Winfrey—whom continually speaks from her mouth, her heart, her soul….

Yeah, her soul…

…Opposed to one who verbalizes directly from her ass.


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15 Comments

  • Reply
    elizabeth
    February 3, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Kim.
    I didn’t know I hated Tyra until I read your blog. Thanks for enlightening me. xxx elizabeth

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 3, 2011 at 10:17 am

      Hey, Elizabeth,
      Glad I could enlighten you! HA HA.
      Just on my soapbox AGAIN. Luv U

  • Reply
    Kelly Skinner
    February 3, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Kim,
    This was so fabulous! Totally funny and spot on!
    Kelly

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 3, 2011 at 10:18 am

      ~~~~Yeah, can you tell she drives me Craaaaaaaaaazy?

      Didn’t you meet her in high school? I did!

      thanks for reading, Kelly! xxxx

  • Reply
    Mercy
    February 3, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Haha. Sweety, Tyra is huge in Kenya. Her show is aired daily every evening before news.

    She can do several things that woman…things that you cannot do. Lol.

    1.Can you wear high heels and flutter your eyelashes really fast?

    2. Can you do some dirty moves and flutter your eyelashes faster after the dance?

    3. Can you burp after drinking any liquid? Tyra can. I saw her do it on her show. And people clapped for her…

    4. Have you ever talked about your ‘modelling’ days? Aka your days of the runway…? Tyra can, i have heard her talk about it, SEVERALLY!

    5. Has your weave ever saved your life? I mean, during a photo shoot, have you ever fallen head first in some errm, you know, rocky water place, and had it not been for your weave, who knows….? Yeah, it has ever happened to Tyra.

    6. Have you ever met a group of people who are following you, squealing…OMG! OMG! * said while fluttering eye lashes, with mouth partially covered?* Theeen, you inwardly go like ‘ you mean they can tell who i am even with this large hat am wearing?’ mhhh, that happens to Tyra severally…watch her show, you will see her saying that.

    7. Have you ever been kidnapped or stalked by any weirdo in cyber space? Tyra has been stalked…

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 3, 2011 at 12:48 pm

      Tyra can STILL Kiss My BIG FAT ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      but I Still Loooooooooooooooooooove you more….

  • Reply
    Dad
    February 3, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    No one could have said it better Mercy.

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 3, 2011 at 5:07 pm

      Well, I think Mercy is full of Shi%%%%%%%## !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply
    Barbara
    February 3, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    Go girl. I never watch the show, but I get it! Laughed my big ass off. Thank you. Now I don’t need to exercise!

    • Reply
      Kim Sisto-Robinson
      February 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm

      Barbara,

      ~~~glad to help you out there! With the ass part… xxxxx Kisses

  • Reply
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    February 3, 2011 at 10:17 pm

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  • Reply
    Tara
    February 4, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Have you ever watched “The Soup?” It’s on E, and it’s a show that takes random television clips and makes fun of them. Tyra makes every episode at LEAST once! In fact, I think they have their own segment dedicated to her narcissism. It’s hilarious. I highly recommend it.

    Those quotes from people who worked with her are interesting, though. Somehow, I believe every word.

    Love you!
    Tara

  • Reply
    Tara
    February 4, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Here, you’ll like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z67-wu8Y8QM

    You gotta watch an ad first, then a bit about Regis, but it’s worth it. 🙂

    • Reply
      kim sisto robinson
      February 4, 2011 at 7:01 am

      OMG, that is funny. Sooooooooooo true. Sooooooooooooooo ME ME ME.

      She drives me utterly insane with her MEisms.

      Thanks, Tara. Luv U

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