Barbie: Hey little girl, thanks for buying me.
Little Girl: Mommy did. Is your real name Barbie?
Barbie: What did you expect, Paris?
Little Girl: You’re pretty. Am I gonna look like you when I grow up?
Barbie: Sure, little girl, if you get your lips pumped up like Angelina Jolie, your chin sliced off, and your face stretched to the Canadian Provinces.
Little Girl: You have nice boobies, Barbie.
Barbie: Well, I should, little girl, I payed big bucks for ‘um. You see, people are more interested in your boobies than what you have to say.
Little Girl: Can I get some?
Barbie: Sure, why not. But wait until you’re at least fifteen. Boys like that. A lot.
Little Girl: I wanna be skinny like you, Barbie.
Barbie: You can, little girl! Drink gallons of water, eat laxatives, (some come in chocolate) and stick your little fingers down your throat.
Little Girl: Wanna play house with me?
Barbie: Oh, I’ve been playing house for a long time now, little girl. When you meet a rich man to take care of you, you can play house, too.
Little Girl: You’re old Barbie, why dont you have a job?
Barbie: I never went to college because I went to Hollywood instead, and anyhow, little girl, I AM, after all, Barbie. And stop calling me old!
Little Girl: Do you still date Ken?
Barbie: Yeah, sure, Ken and all the other dolls, too. Haven’t you heard of rainbow parties? DUh…
Little Girl: How come you don’t got no hair down there like mommy does?
Barbie: Well, apparently mommy can’t afford a Brazilian Wax.
Little Girl: Mommy told me I can be anything I want when I grow up.
Barbie: That’s true, little girl. Just look at me. I strut my little ass around doing absolutely nothing, you know, like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, and you idiots pay me for it. All I need to do is look beautiful and fit into a negative 0. Oh, by the way, where am I going to live; in my Barbie house, my pink convertible, Ken’s place?
Little Girl: I don’t like playing with you anymore, Barbie. I’m reeeeeeally, reeeeeally booooored. You’re just a piece of yucky plastic. I’m going to pull your head off and throw you in the garbage can.
Barbie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Where shall I go? What shall I do?
Little Girl: You’re Barbie. I’m just a little girl. You figure it out.