DECEMBER 26, 2010
~~“We Must Be Still and Still Moving.
Into another intensity. For a further union,
A deeper communion. Through the dark cold
And empty desolation. The wave cry, The
Wind cry, the vast waters of petrel and the porpoise.
In my End is my Beginning.” — TS ELIOT
Day 1 It’s been 6 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day. It’s been a lifetime, a helltime, a time of numbness, deadness, wretchedness, darkness, and nothingness.
I’ve come to the realization that God dulls the mind or we would die, die, die from the bottomless pain that enters our invisible core; this core that I never knew existed.
… Until now.
Yes, we would die. And death it seems, would be a relief to those who mourn. I understand completely now what Shakespeare meant when he wrote this:
“To die: to sleep…No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks.”
Day 2 When will it stop: This throbbing like a toothache; This grief like an incessant, maddening shade that follows me around from place to place. I can’t seem to get away from it. I can’t escape from its sharp claws that hurt me.
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