Kim's Blogs

1000 Pound Woman. WTF?


~~~~I was going to take a break for blogging, but damn it, how does one rant and rave and scream and become somewhat sane when she is fuming, fuming, fuming? How does one express or articulate the fire which is smoldering inside her tummy?  
 
Here’s the situation, and you know I’m going to tell you strait, Sistahs.
 
So there’s this chick named Donna Simpson and she weighs about 600 pounds.
 
 Whatever turns your crank, I guess.
 
Anyhow…
 
If you know me one iota, you know that I love large, curvy, sexy women. I mean— I get it, I feel it, I live it.  And I adore individuals who love themselves just the way God intended them to be, you know?
 
But it seems to me that Donna Simpson has a few psychological issues to deal with.
 
She is working as furiously as she can to become larger, plumper, and to make a long story short, to become the world’s fattest woman in the Guinness Book of World Records.
 
“What’s your ambition, Donna?”
 
“Oh, my dream is to weigh in at 1000 pounds. I want to be the world’s fattest woman!”
 
Oh, your mother would be so proud.
 
Simpson’s daily intake will be about the same as world champion swimmer, Michael Phelps: 12,000 Calories.  To obtain this goal, she is now eating massive amounts of sugar and junk food; her grocery bill is a whopping $800.00 per week.
 
Err; I have an idea, Mrs. Simpson,   why don’t you cut down on your ingestion and give some of that money to your local food shelf?  

Donna Simpson 

 
To pay for this hefty chow bill and her over indulgence, she has created a website where men {Wrong Turn-Chain Saw Massacre- Hillbillies} can go watch her eat burgers, butter, grease, and potatoes.  
 
Sounds about as sexy as a snuff film.  
 
 Zip up your pants, you filthy pigs. What you’re truly interested in is observing a mentally ill woman commit a slow suicide.
 
Mrs. Simpson, has anybody told you lately that you are a magnificent role model for your children? I wish I would have thought of that! Boy- oh -boy, let’s shorten mama’s life and leave the kid’s with Mr. Hills Have Eyes.
 
Hubby, by the way, is delighted by Simpson’s aspirations of obesity. 
 
 I’m a real belly man.” He admitted.  
 
Oh, aint that the sweetest thang?  
 
The guy isn’t as dumb as he looks, although he looks pretty dumb.  
 
You see, when Simpson’s arteries close up from all of the whoppers, tacos, pizza, french fries, oil, and lard… he will be waiting.  Oh, yeah, honey, he will be waiting like a blood thirsty imbecile for that hefty check, because well, apparently the media and the Guinness Book of World Records is making this woman famous and rich for stuffing her face until she blows up, throws up, or just drops dead.   


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